What Makes You a Good Friend?

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Supportive

You are almost like a life coach for your best friends. You give them help when they need it... but you also know when to give them a push. People tend to rely on you for moral support and advice. You've probably always been mature for your age, so this is a role that's you're comfortable with. A friend like you is one of the rarest kinds. You are both a good mentor and companion. Your friends need you most when: They are confused or worried You really can't be friends with: Someone who only wants to complain Your friendship quote: "The only way to have a friend is to be one."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

Kakaibang Bladder Experience

Isang drum na yata ang inihi ko ngayong araw na ito. Paano ba naman kasi, tatlong beses yata akong umiihi sa loob ng isang oras. Hindi na siya nakakatuwa, ano. Alam niyo namang mahirap nang pigilan ang wiwi dahil baka mauwi ito sa urinary tract infection. Naaawa naman ako sa urethra ko kaya ito ako, ihi lang ng ihi kapag naiihi. Yun naman talaga ang gagawin ng taong naiihi 'di ba? Alangan namang tatambling o makikipagtsikahan pa sa isang hindi kilala na nakasabay sa jeep dahil excited na silang pareho dahil malapit nang bumaba ang pamasahe?

Nakakabanas nang pabalik-balik ako sa banyo. Kanina ata sa school, mahigit sa labinlimang beses yata akong nagpabalik-balik sa banyo. Nagsawa na ako sa mapanghing amoy ng mga ihi ng mga Atenistang lalaki. Ginusto ko na ngang umihi sa palikuran ng babae, para naman maiba-iba ng kaunti. Hindi ko tuloy masyadong naintindihan ang lecture ni Doc Vergara dahil nakatuon ang pansin ko sa pagkatok ng aking ihi sa sphincter ng aking bahay ihi, nagmamakaawang buksan na ang lagusan patungo sa pinangakong paraiso. Nakakahiyang lumabas at umihi dahil late na akong dumating, as usual.

Hay, pero ang sarap pala talaga ng pakiramdam kapag nakaihi ka na matapos ang maingay na paghihintay ng iyong ihi sa rurok ng iyong hangganan. Para silang preschool children na atat na atat nang tumawid ng kalsada kasi nasa kabila si Manong DICK (Dirty Ice Cream, ewan ko kung saan nanggaling yung K), si Kuya Bodjie habang sinasakyan si Pong Pagong, o kaya naman ang purple freak na si Barney habang maligayang-maligaya niyang kinakawag ang mahaba, makapal, at matigas niyang buntot. Naaalala ko bigla ang eksena sa pelikulang Evan Almighty na kung saan nasira ang dam at biglang babahain ang buong siyudad sa tuwing iihi ako sa mga urinal na kung saan may mga nalagas na mga buhok. Tatapat ako doon sabay pakakawalan ang mala-tsunaming bugso ng tubig. Hindi kasi sila nag-conditioner.

At kanina, nainis ako dahil dyuminggel na ako sa school bago umalis, pero wala pang kalahating oras, naramdaman ko na naman ang makulit na pagkatok ng aking ihi sa aking bladder. Naaawa na nga ako sa bladder ko e, siguro unat na unat na unat na ito dahil laging napupuno ng dyinggel. Gusto ko na nga sanang bumili ng Doctor P Adult Diaper, kaso wala akong pera at wala namang tindang ganoon si Ate Kikiam Pishbol. Ni Huggies, Pampers, EQ, o Kimbies nga, wala siyang tinda, Doctor P pa kaya? Napahanap pa tuloy ang ng palikuran sa may UP nang wala sa oras. Ayaw ko namang tumalikod na lang kung saan at umihi, ano. Kadirs naman yun.

Dahil siguro sa lamig kaya ako ihi ng ihi. Hay nako ewan ko, mabuti na rin yung ganito dahil napapainom ako lagi dahil ihi ako ng ihi. Sa ganoong paraan, sigurado akong tubig ang iihi ko. Mahirap na kasi baka mamaya, atay o kaya pancreas ko na yung lumabas sa pantog ko.

Theological Reflection 1: Mirror

Imago Dei – God has created us and is continually molding us to His image and likeness. With this rooted firmly and deeply into our hearts, we people living in the world today can still overcome the threats that are poisoning the virtues, morals, and faith of people. Even if we have the intrinsic disposition to sin due to our imperfect nature as humans, we are still born good and have the capacity to search for something greater. We still have the gift to love and be loved by God as well as other people. However, problems stem out as questions stir within us due to the everyday struggle of each and every human being. In my opinion, the continuous erosion of spiritual and moral values, the ambiguity of moral standards, and the decay of dignity, liberty, and human rights are the fruits of this very venomous tree. The negative things we face in reality can sometimes cause our faith to tremble and lose its solidity. When times plunge to the darkest, one may question if what is happening is still a part of the great plan of God for each and every one of us. God has revealed Himself to us, yes, but even if He has descended to the earth fully human and fully divine to make our experience of His revelation more personal and more direct, we still did not understand much. The mysteries of our faith are all but too profound for us to understand, but God did make clear that He is inviting us to follow Him, and he is calling us with open arms to repent. He called and is constantly calling each and every one of us to be free from our selves which keep us from realizing our fullest potential – to be with Him when the time comes. However, it is up to us how we will heed His call to us. It is always up to each and every one of us how we will act to live our potentials. It is in our decisions where we answer God’s call to us. But what matters most is that we decide for ourselves, in doing so, we answer God’s call to us to live life unique to every individual. However, questioning one’s status amidst the state of things cannot be avoided as we are humans with the capacity to love, and to get hurt as well.

In my own experience, I have questioned my belief in God’s goodness time and time again. Amidst extreme hardships and losses in my life, I return to my faith in God. However, as the years passed and the struggles I faced became more and more personal; more and more devastating, my faith in God has all but just reduced to a five-letter word linked to a three-letter name. My belief in God became smaller and smaller to the point that I do not believe in His goodness anymore. Every time I face the somber realities of life, the more I get separated from God. As I look around me and see the suffering of many people, I ask God if this is what He wanted. But I know that the pain and suffering existing in the world are caused by decisions of many people – the same decisions that they take to follow their own vocation, their own way of life. But even though I grew to have a very negative perception in life, I still believe that it is up to us to choose whatever needs to be chosen. Setting my faith aside, I have learned through both regret and fulfillment that what we are today is the mirror of what we have chosen in the past, and what we are currently choosing in the present.




Sigh.
If all else fails, use force.

Ang Last Day ni Ate Myles

Matapos ang isang nakakapagod na araw sa school, kumain kami ng aking mga kaibigan sa Jollibee. Nakagawian na naming gawin ito matapos ang mga Martes at Huwebes na nakakalusaw dahil dirediretso ang aming mga klase. Kinakailangan pa naming tumakbo ng halos isa't kalahating kilometro sa pagitan ng aming mga klase dahil kung hindi, mahuhuli kami. Matapos ang isang araw na kung saan kinainisan namin ang layo ng CTC sa Bellarmine, nagpunta ako sa Gateway upang magsayang ng oras. Nakakatuwang isipin ngayon na kahit na gahul na gahol na ako sa oras dati, nagagawa ko pa ring magpunta sa Timezone para magliwaliw. Nagagawa ko pa ring maglaro ng Percussion Freaks at DrumMania miski na may deadline ako kinabukasan.

Tulad ng lahat ng bisita ko sa Gateway, lagi muna akong nagpupunta sa Timezone sa ibaba dahil kaunti lang ang tao doon. Doon, nakita ko ang isang staff ng Timezone na kinukulit ng isang batang paslit.

Ate, ate, swipe mo ako doon! Bilis!

Nakakatuwang panoorin ang batang iyon habang kinukulit ang babaeng staff. Ang kulitan nila ay nauwi rin sa pag-swipe ni Ate ng kanyang Staff Powercard sa ipinipilit noong batang maliit.

Naku bata ka, mawawalan ako ng trabaho sa iyo eh! Napahagikgik si Ate.

Matapos puntahan ang mga nagpaload, napadaan si Ate sa harap ko.

Kapatid mo? Sabay turo sa batang naglalaro ng skateboard.

Ay naku, hindi ano! Napapalo si Ate sa aking braso sa tawa.

Doon nagsimula ang aming pagkakaibigan ni Ate Myles. Simula noon, hindi ko pinalampas ang kahit na isang punta ko sa Gateway nang hindi ko siya nakakausap. Kung anu-ano ang pinag-usapan namin ni Ate Myles. Mula sa batang iyon na lagi siyang kinukulit, yung crush niyang nanakawan ng limang libo dahil aanga-anga, trabaho niya, pati na rin sa buhay pag-ibig ko. Siya kasi eh. Nakita niyang medyo malungkot ako, at miski itinanggi ko, hindi siya natinag sa kanyang nakita. Sinabi ko kay Ate Myles dahil nakita na rin naman niya, at medyo nalulungkot talaga ako noong mga panahong iyon.

Ay, talaga? Ganun ka?

Nakakatuwang kausap si Ate Myles. Lagi kasi siyang nakangiti miski alam mong pagod na siya sa trabaho niya maghapon. Tuwing kakausapin ko siya, hindi mawawala sa kanyang mukha ang ngiti. Tuwing may aasikasuhin siyang customer, para bagang lagi siyang puno ng sigla at saya. Tuwing pupunta ako sa Timezone sa Gateway, hinahanap ko palagi ang isang maliit na babaeng laging nakatali ang buhok na halos hanggang baywang, malalim ang mata, matinis ang boses, at laging nakangiti o tumatawa.

Yan si Ate Myles.

Nakalulungkot na hindi ako nakapagpaalam ng mabuti sa kanya kahapon. Nagkagulu-gulo kasi ang hindi ko ba alam kung ano. Nagkabulutong siya kaya nawala siya sa Gateway ng halos isang linggo. Noong Martes, nakita ko siya sa harap ng counter, nakatayo, at nakangiti.

Ang tagal mong nawala! Anong nangyari sa iyo? Bulutong!

Ikaw ha, nakikitsismis ka na rin!

Napatawa kami ng husto. Nalaman kong may bulutong si Ate Myles kay Kuya Jhun, at dahil isang linggo na rin siyang wala.

Dahil sasandaling panahon ko na lang makikita si Ate Myles, nagpunta akong Timezone kahapon, miski na hindi talaga ako pumupuntang Timezone tuwing Miyerkules. Sabi ni Ate Myles sa akin, last day na raw niya ngayong Huwebes, at opening shift pa siya. Nagkuwentuhan din kami tungkol sa kanyang bulutong at sa kagustuhan niyang bigyan ako nito, sa bulutong ko noong bata pa ako, kung saan siya nakatira, hanggang sa mga weekender at ang pagtatrabaho sa Timezone.

Kaya kanina, nagmadali akong pumunta ng Timezone dahil last day na ni Ate Myles. Pagdating ko doon, hindi ko siya nakita.

Kuya, andyan pa ba si Ate Myles? O nag-out na?

Ano sir, kahapon pa po siya natigil.

Ha?! Akala ko ngayon ang last day niya?

Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari. Nalungkot ako dahil nangako ako kay Ate Myles na hahabulin kong makarating sa Timezone kanina bago mag-6:30ng. Nalungkot ako dahil hindi ako nakapagpaalam sa kanya ng maayos.

Nagpaikut-ikot ako sa Timezone habang iniisip kung ano nang nangyari kay Ate Myles. Hindi ko na alam kung saan siya magtatrabaho. Ni hindi ko na alam kung magkikita pa kami ulit kahit kailan. Napatitig ako sa dumidilim na kalangitan sa labas. Nakiusap ako sa langit na iyon na sana, ipadala kay Ate Myles ang aking pasasalamat dahil talagang naging masaya ako sa Timezone tuwing nakakausap ko siya. Paglingon ko, nakita ko si Kuya Jhun, nakatayo. Tumango siya sa akin noong nakita niya ako. Ngumiti ako, at nilapitan siya.

Kuya, kahapon pala ang last day ni Ate Myles...

Ha? Kahapon ba? Off kasi ni Kuya kahapon, sa aking pagkakaalam.

Nagmadali nga ako ngayon kasi ang sabi niya, ngayon daw ang last day niya eh.

Umalis sandali si Kuya dahil may kailangan siyang gawin. Bumalik naman siya agad.

Akala ko sa katapusan pa?

Yun din ang akala ko e. Pero kahapon daw ang last day niya, sabi ni Kuya doon.


Hay. Naman talaga.

Ate Myles, mamimiss kita. Ingat ka lagi ha. At kung saan ka man magtatrabaho, sana hindi mabago ang ugali mong nakakapagpagaan ng loob. Miski na hindi tayo naging talagang magkalapit na magkaibigan, isa ka sa mga taong hinding-hindi ko malilimutan kahit kailan. Hinding-hindi ko malilimutan ang araw na nagpakilala ako sayo at nakipagkamay. Hindi ko malilimutan ang sabay nating pagsigaw ng Aaaaaaaa! noong tayo ay nagkakilala sa pangalan.

Ingat ka lagi.

Rudolf (Jan - Nov 2008 Ed)

There are always these times when one stops and thinks what life has given him or her. There are always these times when one stops, remains silent, and tries to figure out what he or she has done to say that they are truly alive.

Because I failed to fight a bout of extreme laziness, I ended up looking at the old photos in my phone. I was amused on how I looked before. My hair was once painstakingly styled to my desired appearance. I remember slowly combing my hair, and putting styling wax in my palms and carefully applying it to my coarse hair. I remember the citrus smell of the white wax that I applied on my hair before. The feel of a comb running though my hair is still vivid in my memories.

But now, I usually let Milai shave my hair to the length they call uno.

Somewhere, and somehow, things have changed.

But,
I am still getting tired of everything. In my desperate pursuit for security, happiness is always the price.


It was the price,
it is the price,
and it will be the price.

I'm just tired. Sorry.

A Crimson Tear Appears as Seven

A mirror shatters
As the faithful clock strikes seven.
A poor soul wanders,
Seeking refuge in lost heaven.

A wounded heart begins to beat
As the eternal clock strikes eight.
Darkness fails and light I meet:
As I unravel threads of fate.

A lifeless face wears a smile
As the infinite clock strikes nine.
The soul forgets all the guile
As I cross what was once the line.

Yet once again, all hope is lost
As the unholy clock strikes ten.
All the fondest memories tossed
As I leave to be forsaken.

Broken over and over and over
As the never-ending clock strikes eleven.
Peace sought escapes and dies in the never:
A crimson tear appears as seven.

Coming soon: Firefly

Ever since I heard this song in Music Station, I immediately fell in love with it. I remember the cloudy day when I was sick and was advised to stay at home at rest. Alone, I contented myself with browsing through the many channels of SkyCable, which I normally don't do. There was a momentary silence as the channel jumped from Channel 45 to 46. It was that instance that I heard Makihara Noriyuki's warm voice for the very first time. I felt my fever lift as if I took some kind of miracle cure.

I'm currently working for this song's translation. This is a short version performed live by Makihara Noriyuki, so expect that his voice isn't in its warmest.

For Macky.

Twelve Hours, P1,500.00

A while ago, I received what seems to be my first official paycheck ever in my humble twenty years of life. I was ecstatic as I saw the nice attendant behind Window 10 shuffle through her notes and yank out a form with my name printed on it. As she was preparing the necessary documents for her to release the check with my name printed in bold font, I started to wonder what I would do with the money. It is just a small amount, a compensation of P1,500.00, but still, it meant a lot to me. As I signed the "Received By" field, I remembered the contract Ate Lisa gave me to make my work more or less formal:

TERMS OF REFERENCE

These are the TERMS OF REFERENCE that govern the research work conducted by RODOLFO NOKOM, henceforth referred to as the RESEARCH ASSISTANT, of MA. MERCEDES T. RODRIGO, Ph.D., henceforth referred to as Dr. Rodrigo, of the Department of Information Systems and Computer Science (DISCS) of the Ateneo de Manila University for the project entitled "Multidimensional Analysis of User-Machine Interactions Towards the Develoopment of Models of Affect" for the period of 15 September 2008 to 31 October 2008.

1. Obligation of the RESEARCH ASSISTANT

• Assemble and ensure completeness of experiment kits for field work;
• Encode data gathered from field work;
• Keep all data confidential; no data will be released, analyzed or published without written permission from Dr. Rodrigo;

2. Obligations of Dr. Rodrigo

• Provide the RESEARCH ASSISTANT with an inventory of the items that should go into the experiment kit;
• Pay for costs of reproduction, communication, or postage and delivery related to the research; and
• Provide the RESEARCH ASSISTANT with the gross compensation in the amount of P1,500.00 per month. The Ateneo de Manila University will deduct withholding tax from this amount and remit it to the appropriate government agency.

Conforme:

Rodolfo Nokom
RESEARCH ASSISTANT

Ma. Mercedes T. Rodrigo, Ph.D.
Associate Professor
Department of Information Systems and Computer Science
Loyola Schools
Ateneo de Manila University

After working for twelve hours in a span of two weeks, I get rewarded. Actually, Ma'am Didith just paid me. All I wanted was the service hours needed in my scholarship.

Now, what should I do with this?

Desperate Measures [Act V]

Putang ina. Tama nga ako. Sa tingin ko destined talaga akong maging masaya sa isang araw, tapos malungkot sa susunod na araw. Hindi pa nga eh. Destined ata akong maging lubos na masaya sa isang sandali, tapos bumagsak sa isang malubhang state of sadness sa mismong kasunod na oras. Nakakainis talaga. Kasalanan ko bang maisip habang ako'y masaya ang mga bagay-bagay na ikalulungkot ko? Lagi naman kasing nangyayari eh. Ito yung sinasabi kong

"How could something so right turn something so wrong in a span of an hour?"

At ang masama pa nito, miski paulit-ulit nang nangyayari ito sa akin, wala pa ring nagbabago sa akin. Tila ba hindi na ako natutuo sa mga nangyaring kinalungkutan ko o 'di naman kaya'y iniyakan ko. Ganun pa rin ang aking pagiging bukas sa mga maaaring mangyari. Lagi na lang kasi akong umaasa. Nakakairita.

Naiirita na ako sa aking sarili. Hindi ko magawang manatiling masaya sa kung anong meron ako dahil lagi ko na lang naiisip ang mga nasayang na pagkakataon na isinasampal sa mukha ko kung ano ang wala ako na gusto ko sanang magkaroon. Lagi na lang akong tinatamaan ng hyper slap combo in the face ni Life na tila ba laging namamantala ng ridiculously downed state ng aking whatever.

Nakakainis. I mean mas magiging ayos pa ako kung permanently sad na lang ako. Kasi naman ano, nakakainis maging masaya while at the back of your head, natatakot kang mawala ang happiness na meron ka as of the moment. Kaya nga hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit tumatayo ang tao pagkatapos nilang madapa. Kasi diba, tama naman yung logic ko na huwag na lang tumayo pagkatapos madapa kasi diba, kapag nasa sahig ka na, hindi ka na pwedeng madapa? Well I mean oo, mukha kang sirenang kakawag-kawag kapag nasa sahig ka lang, pero at least naman hindi ka na madadapa. Pwede kang maapakan, pero mas masakit madapa kasi. And I think it is much more better to stay in the ground when you know that when you get up, you'll just fall down again. Nakakainis naman itong si Life, kasi pagkatapos mong madapa at magdesisyong unti-unti nang tumayo sahil nasa lupa ka na for so long, papatirin ka ulit right after mong makatayo ng tuwid. Putang ina mo Life, mamatay ka na sana. You're so mean kasi.

Well, mabuti na rin siguro ang ganito. Hindi pa masyadong involved ang entire persona ko. Sina Levantine at Zweihander pa lang ang may alam sa kanya. Tsismis pa lang siya para kay Arenne. I know, like all others, this will pass. Lahat naman ng bagay, lumilipas. Lahat: yung paborito mong palabas tuwing gabi sa iyong favorite channel, isang putang inang semester na nakakaiyak dahil sa hirap sa Ateneo, isang araw na mainit at nakakainis dahil kwatro ka lang sa ten-point quiz mo sa theology, friendships miski na sinabi na sa iyo na best friend ka raw niya sa college, relationships, happiness, sadness, and even life. Putang ina mo Life. Sana lumipas ka na before I do para naman mamuhay na ako in peace. How ironic.

Putang ina mo kasi masyado kang mabait.
Putang ina mo kasi utu-uto ka.
Putang ina mo kasi sobrang desperado mo.
Putang ina mo kasi masyado kang umaasa.
Putang ina mo kasi tatanga-tanga ka kasi.
Putang ina mo kasi hindi mo kasi macontrol yang emotions mo.
Putang ina mo kasi putang ina ka.

Putang ina mo kasi ikaw ka.
Putang ina mo kasi si Rudolf ka, at dahil dun

putang ina mo.


Hay.

Hope can be the light amidst a seemingly eternal darkness, but
it can also blind a person after breaking the profound despair inside one's heart.

I think this is bad. Tatlong sunud-sunod nang Desperate Measures.

Desperate Measures [Act IV]

I will try to find solace and comfort in the things that make my life happy, and not to look at the things missing in my life that makes me sad...

But the thing is,

I am missing myself.

Am I?



I may be desperate for a meaningful answer,
but deep inside,

I know I can wait. I know I can.