Wolf

One Midnight Wolf

Goodbye, Hello

To anyone reading this,

I will be deleting this blog on May 1, 2010. I don't know if I will make a new one, but if I do, I will certainly post the link to my new home here. Puno na rin kasi ng mga ewan ko bang comment ang mga post ko rito.

To my blog,

Thank you for the past four years. You, of all the things, know my innermost dreams and fondest memories. And alam kong alam mo rin na I hate goodbyes because I'm not good at them.

Until we meet again.

L'Chayim

To life,

Rudolf

Nueva Ecija

Kakauwi ko lang. Bukas o sa makalawa na lang siguro ako magpopost.

Pero ang masasabi ko lang, gusto kong bumalik doon. Ang tahimik kasi ng buhay.

Realizations Day 1

Sometimes, you do things even if you don't know why you're doing it. Sometimes you stop and wonder on how you manage to keep on going even if it takes a whole lot from you: time, energy, money, almost everything.

Sometimes you wish you could just exert the same effort unto other things, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't.

Oh well. I guess it isn't meant to be.

Hello World

System.out.println("Hello World!");

Ito ang karaniwang pinakaunang program na matutunan ng isang Java Programmer. Una ko itong natutunan noong ako'y nasa unang taon pa lamang sa Pamantasan ng Ateneo de Manila, at ngayon, habang sinusulat ko ang mga katagang ito, naghihintay ang aming tesis na may pamagat na Audio Based Game for the Visually Impaired on the Xbox 360 Console para sa makabuluhang kilos dahil mula't nagsabog ng basang lagim ang kaibigang si Ondoy, natigil na ang lahat ng kahit na anong pag-iisip tungkol sa mga bulag, isang telebisyon, at isang Xbox 360 at kung ano pang aparatong kailangan matutunang gamitin ng isang bulag.

Mahigit sa isang buwan na lang, pasko na, at sa loob ng dalawa't kalahating buwan, taong dos mil dyis na. Naalala ko pa noong nasa ikaapat na baitang ako na binibilang ko kung ilang taon pa ako kailangang mag-aral. Isa, dalawa, tatlo, apat... labing-isa. Dati, nagmumukmok ako tuwing maiisip ko na napakatagal pa ang kailangan kong gugulin sa pag-aaral, ngunit ngayong sa loob ng apat na buwan ay magtatapos na ako, hindi ko na alam.

Hello World.

Part of the Family

Today, my family and I went to Bulacan since it was my cousin Diane's birthday last Wednesday. We also took the time to visit since it was like forever since we last ate in our Tita Nene's hut kitchen. Iyhan, a good friend of mine, always visits us during weekends and spends his days in our place until early Tuesday mornings, when he needs to go to work. Meaning Iyhan tagged along to our family's trip back to my ancestral home.

I actually felt uneasy with him going with us. I don't know why, but maybe it was because of the sharp, cynical, but secretive eyes my relatives in Bulacan make when faced with strangers.

While eating lunch fit for a princess, Ate introduced Iyhan to Tita Nene.

Si Iyhan, classmate ni Rudolf. Parang pamilya na namin yan!

That made my day.

It's Not That

And I thought this was over. But I told myself never to lie down forever after a fall unless both my legs get paralyzed. There are just some things you simply cannot rid of, however once you take a deep breath and point a serious look at it, the thing just takes another form. It seems that one cannot be erudite enough even to grasp the fundamentals of things concerning of the past, the present, and of the heart.

Maybe it's just a part of me trying to change. Heck, it's almost four months since my life changed, and as each day passes by, my life even moves forward to places I've never been to because I was alone.


Yes, maybe that's it.

In Between

There are some things you really can't understand, no matter how hard you try to. I don't know. Maybe it's just me being afraid and getting worried about something I just imagined. You try to be as neutral as possible, but the truth is, no matter how neutral you think you are, you are still holding onto something you just won't let go.

Friendship is such a fragile thing. But isn't friendship something that will stand the tests of time and the blows of the steel?

I am confused. I am worried that I am confused because I don't know if it is right to be worried.


The complexities of life suck bad. It just rapes face.



Andito lang ako para sa inyong dalawa. I hope both of you know that.

I Noticed That

It's so easy to slip off something you want to start doing again. A lack of discipline; a lack of something to write; or is it just a sad reality of life?

Masaya? (After Theology)

Yeah, medyo sabaw ang utak ko ngayon. Kakabasa ko lang kasi ng Chapter 3 ng theology book namin. "The Peaceful Sea" ang title. Sa loob ng dalawampung pahina ng maliliit na letra, isa lang ang tumatak sa isip ko: to be Christian is to be happy, o parang ganun na nga. Hindi photographic ang aking memorya, kaya patawad.

Ayon sa may akda ng libro na kinaiinisan ko dahil kung hindi niya isinulat ang libro niya, wala kaming babasahin para sa theo at wala kaming quiz bukas ukol dito, kailangan raw ipanganak, magbunyi, maghirap, mamatay, at muling mabuhay para makamit ang tunay na kaligayahan -- yun bang bukal sa pinakaloob ng isang tao at yun bang kaligayahang nag-uumapaw at bumabahagi sa lahat ng nakapaligid. Siyempre, dahil theology ang pinag-uusapan, para makamit ang tunay na kaligayahan, dapat buong tapang nating harapin ang tawag ng kaligayahang ito. Natatakot raw kasi tayo na mahirapan at mamatay dahil masyado na raw tayong kampante sa kung anong mayroon tayo sa ngayon. At siyempre naman, sino nga bang gustong mahirapan at mamatay, hindi ba? (At by the way, yan ang sinasabi ko sa lahat ng mga required readings ko sa Ateneo; apparently hindi ako mahilig magbasa ng mga scholarly articles)

At sabi rin sa akdang iyon, lahat ng tao ay ginawa upang tanggapin ang kaligayahan mula sa itaas. Hindi natin kayang alisin ito bilang mga tao, ngunit may kakayahan tayong talikuran ang tawag na ito at manatiling malungkot at walang pakiramdam sa buhay.


So, is religion the opium of the people?