22 Resumes Printed

From the top of my head (well not really since tiningnan ko ang listahan ng participants), ito na ata ang mga companies na binigyan ko ng aking resume:

1. e-PLDT, Inc.
2. Incuventure Partners Corporation
3. Integreon Managed Solution
4. Canon Information Technology
5. GlaxoSmithKline
6. Nestle Philippines
7. Unilever
8. P&G
9. Soluziona
   
10. Abba Global System
11. Azeus Systems Philippines
12. Chikka Asia, Inc.
13. Smart Communications, Inc.
14. Globe Telecom

And meron din daw IT related practicum ang L'Oreal Philippines. Doubtful ano?

Pero I'm too lazy to write a something about these companies. Basta I'm hoping that I get to enter Chikka as an intern dahil ayon sa mga upperclassmen, masaya doon dahil mababait ang mga tao and stuff. Same lobby pero different tower ang office ng Azeus, na mukhang maraming maaaring matutunan. Interesting ano? And weirdly enough, ayaw kong mapunta sa Smart or sa Globe or anywhere else na sobrang big-time corporate IT ang field dahil parang nakakapressure ang competition and stuff. Besides, feeling ko eh hindi ako magiging successful sa field na yan dahil, well, basta. Tapos yung Abba, no offense, pero parang hindi sobrang credible or something. Hindi ko alam. There must have been something in their booth that made me feel a little bit confused. Please, correct me if I'm horribly wrong.

Ayan. Kakatapos lang magprint ng 10 ko pang resume. More companies await my resume tomorrow.

Katahimikan

Noong Lunes sa aking Ph102 class, tandang-tanda ko ang mga katagang ito ni G. Mariano miski na mapungay na ang aking mga mata sa antok:



"Bakit tila ang mga Filipino, takot sa katahimikan? Kailangan parati na lang maingay."



Totoo nga bang takot tayo sa katahimikan kaya tayo masasabing isang maingay na bansa? O sadyang maingay lang talaga tayong mga Filipino?

Hindi ko alam. Ang daming bumabagabag sa aking isipan ngayon. Mga resume na kailangan pagandahin para makakuha ng maayos na practicum sa April; mga project na kailangan ipasa; mga bagay tungkol sa aking kinabukasan na hindi ko alam kung bakit ngayon pa lang, naiisip ko na; mga pagsusulit na lagi na lang inuurong ang petsa sa aming ikinadidismaya; mga kung anu-anong mga damdaming ayaw ko nang sabihin; at pag-aalala dahil sa loob ng isang buwan, matatapos na ang kontrata nina Kuya Jhun at Kuya Joel sa Gateway.

Pero kahit papaano, unti-unti akong nakahahakbang paharap dahil sa isang sandigang ngayo'y aking sinasandalan. Ito ang asul na rosaryo sa aking bulsa. Ngunit ang tunay na anyo ng aking inaasahan,


sa katahimikan ko lamang nakikita't nararamdaman.

Five Letters

Faith.






Change.

Surrogate Security

With his feelings an utter mess and his thoughts in disarray, he felt more vulnerable than ever. He continued to stare straight at the low ceiling of his room as the bitter cold slowly ate the warmth of his feet and his eyes dried up in the absence of the tears that one flowed down his bony cheeks. Consciously and unconsciously, he was tossing in his bed from side to side every minute or so, like prey writhing to escape with dear life as the fangs of the hunters clamped down its bare neck. Something was stuck in the deepest parts of his being, something that was not there before. It clogged his desire for happiness and warmth. For some reason or another, he just wanted to close his eyes, and enter the world of his dreams. He hoped never to wake up again in the cold and piercing embrace of the nightmares of his confused heart.

But the cold was too painful to bear. The abnormal weather made his self-inflicted wounds throb with an increasing wave of pain that emanated across his entirety. He wished to weep, but his tears were in mourning. His tears were grieving the loss of his precious skies full of aspirations as it broke into the shale storms that were saturated with uncertainty and broken promises. His blanket never seemed to protect him from the cold that was slowly taking his sanity. He kept kicking and shuffling, but his efforts were all for nothing. In a last, desperate attempt to kindle a small flame of hope to provide him the warmth and the light he needed, he reached for his long legs and tucked them close to his body. He yearned for the security of his mother's womb, the kind of devotion where one would protect the other with everything they have.

His sight was slowly growing dark despite the small night light turned on. He thought he was finally falling asleep. But a sharp, invisible pain inside him jolted him into the reality that he was falling into yet another dangerous pit of his emotions. It was one of those instances where he felt the chilling embrace of the most unending darkness one could face.

With the last remaining ounce of his strength, he reached out his hand to hold onto something. He reached out his hand to save himself from another ironically agonizing fall into the world he is so accustomed to. He reached something warm, soft, and pleasant to the touch. As he grabbed the object which seemed to be brimming with affection, he placed his head on it. A subtle warmth calmed his body down, and after a few moments, he regained the sanity which was sapped by the unknown hunters of his night. He felt alive once again.

He realized that all was but a dream forcefully transgressing his sleep.




In his dreams, the pillow was his source of warmth, life, and happiness. It was everything, and it meant everything to him.

But in his waking consciousness, the reality remains that the pillow is nothing more than just a pillow, something that will never return all his yearnings for security. The reality remains that he still stands under the starless sky that he has wrongly wished for himself.


---


ay rai
pede ba kita maging surrogate sister?

meaning?

uh
like
family outside my home
kasi na dedepress na ako sa sarili ko dahil I find my family disfunctional when I know it isn't
ang shits kasi ng mga drama sapaks ko sometimes

you don't find me dysfunctional?

para sa akin hindi

hahaha
ok
i'm just here

sometimes i wonder
am i like selfish or something?
kasi all i ever do is run to you guys kapag namomroblema ako or something

no you're just in need of love and affection
we all do
that's what friends are for

thanks rai>:D<

>:D<

My Phone is Dead

My ever faithful phone is dying, if not dead.

I think it's the flex cable.

Shed even just a tear for it, will you? It has been my one and only trusty companion for over two years.



It has seen me laugh my heart out...
It has offered its shoulder when I was in tears...
And it has been something more than just a phone to me.



I treated it as an extension of myself, always looking for it when it escapes my sight. It is not because of its material worth, but I constantly hold it in my hands because of all the memories it has.

Memories I wish to forget,
and memories that I will embrace deep inside my heart for as long as I live.





Sigh. I want my old self back.

Gusto Ko Maging

"Ang gusto ko maging trabaho ko sana in the future eh isang supervisor ng isang branch ng Timezone."

(simangot)

"Nyek! Nakasimangot. Bakit naman?"

"Ayan ang hirap kapag laki ka sa ginhawa eh. Hindi aggressive. Tutal ako, laki sa hirap, kaya talagang naging agresibo ako."

"Eh Ma, kung hindi ka naman masaya sa work mo, hindi ka rin naman magiging successful 'di ba?"

"Anak, hindi lahat ng gusto mo pwedeng masunod. At kung hindi ka naman magso-survive sa mundo, eh ano pa ang trabaho mo miski na masaya ka?"

(titig sa labas ng bintana kung saan maraming tao galing sa bawat yapak ng lipunan ang naglalakad)

("Pero gusto ko talagang magtrabaho sa Timezone. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero tuwing nasa ano mang branch ako ng Timezone, maayos na maayos ang pakiramdam ko. Eh ano naman kung maliit ang sweldo? Sasaya ba ako kung limpak-limpak ang pera ko't lumalangoy ako sa pera dahil sa yaman ko? Ayaw kong yumaman, Ma. Gusto ko lang maging masaya dahil sa totoo lang, hindi na ako masaya.")

("Hindi talaga.")

"Let's go?"

(tango habang nakatitig pa rin sa labas)

Rain, Rain, Please Go Away

After recovering from the sickness that pinned me inside the house for two full days, my sister finally allowed me to go to school today. I was pretty much excited and all, but as soon as I was ready to leave, the weather started to become unfriendly. A light drizzle was slowly falling down like a fine curtain as I woke up, but it turned into a nasty and violent fall of needles when I was prepped and ready to go.

It made me lose a whole portion of my eagerness. The wet weather doused the flame that once vigorously burned inside me. I indefinitely stared at the street as the countless spears of mercilessness continued to fall. I found myself slowly retreating, as if a terror only I could see was in front of me. I wanted to go back inside and sleep, and dream about that particular embrace that could make a second a lifetime and make the deep, freezing cold a warm and comforting radiance of security.

As I continued to trace back my steps and stare into the raining sky, I felt myself slowly losing my grip on reality. The anxiety of all my twenty years started to knock on my mind. It was weird. I was expecting something tormenting, but what came to me was something illogical. The sheer foolishness of it made me realize that my mind was walking the path towards insanity, or something like that. My anxieties were personified and formed a straight line that vanished in the horizon. As I looked at the place where the sun supposedly sets, I asked myself when would be the time I would be able to leave "here" and reach "there". Sometimes, the awful feeling that I place burden upon myself is far too much to handle. Everything seems to be always beyond the horizon, unreachable to me, but very much accessible to others.

It was one of those instances when my emotions spiral into confusion because of something petty.

But then again, I steeled myself and toughened my courage. I opened my umbrella, and treaded the wet streets as the skies continued to cry in their own sorrow...

...or perhaps weep in joy for my small victory.

May Sakit Ako

...which means I missed the first two days of class for the year 2009.

Alam mo yung itchy feeling ng bandang likod na part nig iyong palate pero hindi mo makamot kasi nga nasa kasuluk-sulukan ito ng iyong balong malalim, puno ng patalim? At hindi mo rin makamot kasi nga ang weird kung kakamutin mo at it might cause you to gag and taste the arroz caldo that you ate hours and hours ago dahil hindi mo kayang kumain ng kanin dahil nga isusuka mo lang? Ang haba nung sentence na yun, pero alam mo yung feeling na ganun? Tapos paggising mo, ang init na ng pakiramdam mo? Tapos naiinis ka pa dahil yun yung huling Sunday bago magpasukan?

Feeling ko, ang dami kong namimiss dahil nagkaroon na naman ako ng severe allergic rhinitis dahil sa katol, pero ayaw ko nang ilagay dito kasi baka mafrustrate lang ako.

Sana naman, makapasok na ako bukas. Hays.



New year na new year tapos ganito? Sana naman, ano...wala.

Fireworks Once Again

Naisip ko na those fireworks were set off by people who have conquered their own little ebony sky. The flash of light, the drizzle of sparks, the shine of different chromes blazing across the sky came with the bright hopes and dreams for the new year they were happily anticipating. They bid the last few moments of the year with anticipation and welcomed the new year full of optimism and promise. All of these I saw through their eyes. I saw their open hearts ready to embrace new blessings, new opportunities, new hopes, new promises, new, relationships, new challenges, new problems, and new difficulties that 2008 will be bringing them. They were ready to leave the past without forgetting the lessons they have learned and face the new year with faces confident and held up high.

-- Fireworks, January 1, 2008


A year has passed.

And what a year it has been.

Things seem the same, but they are immensely different along the vague and invisible lines of our lives. Strings have been cut, threads have been weaved, and we are all but an infinite piece of cloth, both tattered and finely-spun at the same time...

The beginnings have all but ended, and the endings are starting. Time has clocked its course, and yet here I am, alone and silently standing under each deafening creak and groan of the cogs of fate. Blinded by fury, beguiled by sadness, and hyped by mania, I push on forward, in a negative perspective to keep my sanity saved...

The rain stopped when the clock struck twelve. It was as if the weather joined the celebration for the new year. Inside my room, I heard the ear-splitting vulcan booms of the fireworks that momentarily turned the night into day. The bright lights of the pyrotechnics flashed on the deeply frosted old-style windows of my room. People outside were cheering and was caught in a stupor that everyone was a victim of. The new year has arrived, but there I was inside my room, playing.


Once you've lost something valuable, your life will never ever be the same again.


A year has passed
and a year will pass,

thank you to all the people who became part of my life.

Hopefully, you'll still be the same people I'll share 2009 with.