Friday, July 27, 2007

Timezone Powercard 67125548

Damn. Binasa ko pa talaga yung shizzle sa theo tungkol sa different readings ng Scripture. Yun pala, conscience ang topic kanina. Tapos na-catch ko pa yung attention ni Ray kanina. Tsk, damay tuloy si Matt. Hay, of all days, why does it have to be today?

That's life.

Wala pa akong maintindihan dun sa substitute ni Nan. San ba kasi nagpunta si Mr. Ivun Culazba eh! Hindi yang ginagamitan kami ni 30++-year-old Harry Potter ng ultra magical with devastating potential physics lecture spells/enchantments gamit ang kanyang wand made out of chalk. Tsk. Peste pa, hindi ko sinasadyang magcut nung Wednesday. Sabi kasi wala so gagawa ng CS project eh. Wala pang nagsabing meron pala. The heck, alam ba nilang hindi ko alam? Gago. Ayos lang naman siguro, kasi marami naman akong nagawa sa search engine na yan kahapon. Biruin mo, 10 hours akong nagprogram?

At sana naman gumaling na si Sir Ariel. Naaksidente raw siya eh, at kakalabas lang daw ng St. Luke's Hospital (na kadalasang banggit ay seint--looks imbis na seint--lyooks) ayon kay Sir Yol na nakasabay ko kanina sa LRT nung papunta akong Gateway. Actually, pagpasok ko sa tren, tiningnan ko yung taong nakaupo opposite sa disabled area kung saan ako madalas tumatayo. Well, kasi disabled naman talaga ako eh, hindi niyo lang alam. Anyway, tiningnan ko yung tao na yun for about 5 seconds, tapos kumaway siya sa akin. Hindi ko kasi talaga namukhaan kasi nagpagupit si Sir Yol. Akala ko nga kapatid ni Sir Yol yun eh, yun pala si Sir na talaga.

Bumaba kami ng LRT sa may Cubao. Medyo ineexpect ko na na sa Cubao din bababa si Sir dahil sa mga kuwento niya tungkol sa escapades niya sa MRT. Nung pababa na kami sa hagdan:

"Kamusta naman block mo?"

"Ah... Ayos naman po." (ngiti)

"Ayos rin kayo a!" (hindi ko na nakita kasi nauna ako ng mga 2 baitang sa hagdan)

Syempre yun isasagot ko. Alangan namang "Ayun, the usual. Parang walang pakialam paminsan miski na sinusubukan mong ibahagi ang sarili mo sa kanila. Yung wala tuwing kailangan na kailangan mo talaga sila. Kaya ayun, sinusubukan kong huwag rin silang pansinin. Ewan ko talaga Sir, pero the usual." Eh di nag-alala pa si Sir Yol at magmumukhang sinisiraan ko pa yung block.


**insert**

SELF-ASSESSMENT

personality A:
Love ko ang block. Andyan sila in times of need. Alam na lahat natin yan kung bakit.

personality B:
Layuan niyo nga ako. I have guarded accessibility. Iniiwan niyo ako the times I need you people most. Isa lang ang tunay kong kaibigan sa inyo, at siya yung best friend ko for almost 11 years already. Sorry if I have neglected you sometimes.

**end insert**



But still, my block will always be Block N of CS2010.

Nung papasok na kami ng Gateway ni Sir, yun nga, tinanong ko kung ano nangyari kay Sir Ariel, tapos tinanong niya kung bakit. Namimiss na raw ba namin siya?

"Opo."

Pero yung totoo, nakakainis kasi nag-aral ako para sa unang mahabang pagsusulit tapos wala pala si Sir? Ano ba! Stop wasting my efforts! Yun na lang nga mabibigay ko tapos mababalewala pa?!

Fcuk. How selfish deep inside I've become.

Mabuhay ka Sir Yol. Magpagaling ka Sir Ariel. Miss ka na namin, at dahil diyan sana dalian mo ang mahabang pagsusulit. Joke.

Dumerecho si Sir Yol papuntang MRT habang umakyat ako papuntang Timezone. Today's the day na maaabot ko na ang P5000.00 worth of accumulated load mark sa Timezone Gateway Araneta Center Cubao Cinema Level. Nagpaload ako ng P100.00.

"Ate, pwede na akong mag-apply ng Gold card?"

Chineck ni ate ang card ko ulit. Binigyan niya ako nung form kasama nung pen na nakabalot sa purple ribbon na may purple feathery fluffy hairy object sa dulo. Yung parang accessory ng dancer. So ayun. Hindi ko nilagay yung phone number sa bahay, mahirap na. Pagkatapos kong ifill-up yung form, binigay ko na kay Ate Jane ata.

"Sir, after 2-3 weeks pa po ninyo makleclaim. Magdala na lang po kayo ng valid ID with picture. "

"OK. Salamat ate."

2-3 weeks? The hell. No wonder I wasn't very excited nung papunta na ako. Hindi pa pala ako magiging Gold member. Usually kasi, I do. Meron akong high extra perception ability or some sort eh.

May new guy na naglalaro sa machine. I've never seen that guy before. Itago na lang natin siya sa initials na MABAKANAK (MAy BAg KAtulad Nung AKin). Ek, ang haba. Si WGB (White Guy with Bonnet) na lang kasi ang puti niya sobra. Para siyang tumutungga ng 5 bote ng oral glutathione everyday. Magaling siya. Mas magaling sa akin, pero mas magaling pa rin si KBJ (Kamukha ni Billy John). Semi-idol ko na rin si WGB kasi manual player siya. Ang galing talaga ni KBJ kasi muntik na niyang matapos yung Lv. 97 song (na ireresearch ko mamaya pagkapost ko nito) in manual. Grabe.

Well, medyo masaya na rin siguro ako kasi B ako sa 「焼け野が原」 Yakeno ga Hara. Sinubukan kong auto hi-hat ang Luvly, Merry Go Round, at muntik ko na siyang matapos. Nawala lang ang aking snare-bass-snare-bass-snare-bass coordination dun sa barrage part ng song na yun.

I was such a fool to say na last time na nila makikita ang Timezone Powercard 67125548. After 2 weeks minimum pa pala siya mawawala eh. Hmp, eh di hindi ko lang ipapakita sa kanila ever ulit yung card na yun. Di ba?

Pero ngayong magiging gold na ang kulay ng Timezone card ko, napapaisip ako kung ano na ba ang nangyari sa akin. Iniisip ko kung meron bang nagbago sa akin, whether positive or negative ones.

Kung kilala ko ang sarili ko, masasabi kong wala. Ang mga pabago-bago sa aking ugali ay matagal nang parte ng aking character.

Is that good or bad?

It's hard to say. Kung Timezone card lang ako, madali lang ang sagot. Oo, mabuti maging Gold card. Meron kang 1 free yellow-swipered game everyday.

Hay. How I wish naging Timezone card na lang ako ng isang taong malapit na maging Gold member kaya inaalagaan niya ang ang card niya na worth P4,964.00 of accumulated credits...

Pero, ang isang Timezone Powercard ay isang rectangular piece of lifeless, stiff, and cold plastic.

Tell me, given all that someone has gone through, does that matter?


currently listening to:
Supernova
Sailing Day
Tentai Kansoku
Karma

Bump of Chicken forever.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Glory

...
empty space here

empty space here
empty space here
empty space here
...

glo·ry
[glawr-ee, glohr-ee] noun, plural -ries, adjective, verb, -ried, -ry·ing, interjection

–noun
1.very great praise, honor, or distinction bestowed by common consent; renown: to win glory on the field of battle.

...
empty space here

empty space here
empty space here
empty space here
...

I'm not feeling emotionally well, so I'm keeping this one simple.

If you really like someone, you would share with that person's glory.
If you love someone, you would do the same thing, and even share each other's glory.

If envy still shackles your heart which is ready to be given to a person, then you are feeling something else, something that seems like something more than friendship.

What is it then?


...
empty space here

empty space here
empty space here
empty space here
...


It is the Dissonant Rhythm of a Torn Soul...

...whatever that is.

empty space here?
probably not.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Dissonant Rhythm of a Torn Soul

Integrity?

Amidst never ending and seemingly eternal
Malevolence?

Thoughts have sight. Thoughts
Have everything I need. Thoughts are
Interesting, disrupting your cloudy mind.
Nostalgia, memories, the past. These would be
Killing someone in the future.
Intertwined souls, chained
Nuisances, ambiguous personalities are suffering
Greatly.

Among those
Boastful and seemingly unreachable
Opponents,
Understand and just be patient with
Them.

Celestial beings will never heed your call.
Overlords will always bring trouble until the fall
Merge everything,
Maladaptive tensions,
Intuitive reflexes
Thine.
Trifling fools will
Inertly
Negate
Greatness meant for them.

Sincerity
Ushers
Internal
Corruption
In
Demise
Eternal.

Severing the threads of life does not solve
Over
Malefic stress or problems.
Envy isn't the way
Onto the path of salvation.
Never ending and unreal worlds seem like
Eternities.

Shining stars,
Awakening souls,
Vainglorious characters die
Endlessly.

Medallions of strength
Emblazoned with the power of flame!

IT HURTS! HELP ME!



The endless cycle continues.

Monday, July 16, 2007

DM 10th: EXT 45 -- DM V3: EXT 58

Kung nabasa niyo na ang BPM 080, EXT 45, nilalaro ko ang Yakeno ga Hara. Malamang, alam niyo na rin na lagi ko itong hindi natatapos. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit eh. Natapos ko naman siya ng 3 beses, pero pababa ng pababa yung score na nakukuha ko. Mahirap naman kasi talaga yung song eh. Kung may parts nga na nahihirapan ako sa auto bass, paano pa kaya this time around na manual? Nag rant pa pala ako sa Friday the 13th. Well, ganun naman talaga eh.

Nung Saturday (kasi Monday na nga pala), nanood kami ng Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Okay naman siya, kasi ang cute and eccentric at the same time ni Luna Lovegood. Haha talagang may ganung factor pa eh no? Haha. Sa Glorietta nagpareserve si Nelvin ng tickets (na how we wished ni Riel na sa Gateway na lang kasi mas malapit sa ex-International House of Projects at dahil P200.00 na lang, Gold member na ako sa Timezone dun). Hindi raw kasi alam ni Nelvin kung papaano magpareserve sa Gateway (na sabay naming sinabi ni Riel na Google!). Well anyway, sinundo ako ni Nelvin sa bahay kasi galing sila sa bahay ni Ding. Kasama niya sina Danna, Melody, ant Janjan (ganun yung pagpapakilala ko sa mga magulang ko). So ayun, dumarami na ang nakakaalam ng aking bahay. Tsk, baka mamaya makidnap na ako nyan. Haha.

Sinundo namin si Riel after nun. Nung papunta na kami sa Glorietta, binigyan ako ni Nelvin ng mapbook kasi nga madalas nawawala kami sa forsaken place na yun. Bakit kasi walang "This way to Glorietta" signs eh! Habang sinusuyod ni Mr. Driz ang daan sa paghahanap ng Caltex, pinag-aaralan ko yung mapbook. Para tuloy kaming contestant ng Amazing Race or mga extra terrestrials kasi parang nawawala kami sa Earth. Pesteng mapbook yun, walang silbi! Wala kasing "You are here" star/dot/circle/heart/smiling face/x. Anong klaseng map ba ang walang ganun?

Well anyway, nakarating naman kami sa G4 on time. 45 minutes daw kasi dapat makuha yung tickets, or else forfeited na. Siyempre sinehan, siyempre malamang may katabing arcade. Timezone. DrumMania V3. P22.00/3 songs. Ang mahal. Pero maganda naman yung condition ng machine at V3. Pero mahal. Love ko pa rin yung machine sa Gateway. I'm loyal, you see.

Yung batang naglalaro, naka auto bass. Well, abot naman niya yung pedal. Yung older guy, auto bass rin. Hindi naman siya unano, so abot niya yung pedal. Oh well. Dahil sobrang unfamiliar ako sa V3, ang tagal kong hinanap yung mga songs na alam ko. Siyempre pasikat ako kasi I'm an extra terrestrial of some sort. Teritoryo nila yun eh. Libra -- A. Dragon Blade -- B. Habang hinahanap ang pangatlong song ko sa overpriced machine na iyon, nadaanan ko yung isang familiar title ng kanta. 5 characters. 焼け野が原. It was Yakeno ga Hara. Pero something was different. Ang nakalagay, EXT 58. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, 45 lang ito a... Bakit 58 na ngayon? Well, dahil alam kong malamang mafail ko yun, I decided not to play that song. Nagpapasikat nga ako, remember? Tentai Kansoku -- S. We entered the movie house after that. May mga sumunod sa akin na walang sticks. Well, ipapahiram ko sana yung sticks ko pero umalis na kami eh.

Hindi ko ikukwento yung nangyari sa movie house. Bastos mo! Grabe ka akala mo ha nabasa ko yung naisip mo tungkol sa mga nangyayari sa movie houses na dapat hindi gawing public!

Basta yun.

Naisip ko pauwi, "58? So all along I've been playing a Lv. 58 song and all I thought I was failing a Lv. 45 song..." Siyempre naisip ko yan in tagalog. Hindi ako amboy eh. Hoy, hindi si Mr. Suarez ha. Amboy as in konyo.

And then I realized, we have to be proud of our accomplishments, even if these seem little compared to the accomplishments of others. We have to believe in ourselves, and not the accomplishments of greater people. When we start doing so, some day we might just be as great as they are (again, in tagalog). Nagets ba yung Lv. 58--Lv. 45--be proud connection? Ako medyo hindi. Pero naging ganyan somehow.

Kailangan maging proud of who we are. Kasi kung magtatrabaho ka to be just like the ones you recognize, you will be empty in the end. External motivations won't bring the same happiness and fulfillment as the motivation you can gather deep within yourself.

(from sailing day)

精一杯 存在の証明 過ちも 間違いも
Seiippai sonzai no shoumei ayamachi mo machigai mo
With all my might, I am proof of existence
自分だけに価値のある財宝

Jibun dake ni kachi no aru zaihou

An error, a mistake, to me those are valuable treasures



But the sincere problem is, how can you muster the strength within?

Friday, July 13, 2007

BPM 080, EXT 45

Friday the 13th. Ano naman ngayon? People should stop believing in those weird and superstitious beliefs. Ano naman ngayon ang meron sa 13 at sa Friday? For crying out load people. Ano naman ang pinagkaiba ng Friday the 11th, 12th, 14th, or even 23rd? Why do I have to f*cking pray kasi Friday the 13th? For crying out loud. If prayer could redeem our pitiful souls cloaked in darkness, then people should all be in heaven. Crap. Nauntog kasi ako sa bus kanina eh. Sobrang napahiya ako kasi sobrang >blaggh<. "Iie" pa nga ata nasabi ko nun eh. Pano naman kasi, I was thinking about Hikari E kasi sobrang LSS ako since I played that song yesterday.

Anyway~

Medyo matagal ko na rin nilalaro ang Yakeno ga Hara sa DrumMania. Pero this time around, I'm playing it in manual. You see, after a year of playing DrumMania, ngayon pa lang ako nagpapractice ng bass, especially after seeing kuya RJ play Tamayura EXT in manual. Grabe. Miski nagdanger siya, A pa rin ang grade niya. These days kasi, ang dami nang auto bass players, kaya I am practicing my coordination. It's about time I guess. I mean, after a year, hanggang Tamayura ADV auto bass pa lang ang kaya ko? After P4,800.00 worth of accumulated load sa Timezone Gateway-Araneta Center Cubao, hanggang dun pa lang ang kaya ko? Ano ba. Pero I think meron ata akong limit to what I can do. Lahat naman ata eh.


Oh yeah, natapos ko ang Rolling1000tOOn EXT [74] in auto bass. Well, it's the first song I completed which is over level 70.

Anyway, I finished Yakeno ga Hara in the past with the grade of C. Hindi ko pa gamit ang sticks ko nun. And after that, I got a B with my sticks. Then, a C as third stage that almost failed. Ever sice, I have never finished that song in manual. Lagi na lang. Kanina lang, after Sailing Day, yun ang nilaro ko. Kita na yung final bar, nagfail pa ako. "Sayang!" sabi nung all-girl group (composed of 4 lesbian-looking students). Well, hindi naman totally sayang kasi it's the last song, and at least naman I'm trying my best to play in manual. Akala ko ba nagstop ka na maglaro ng DrumMania? Yun din ang akala ko.

But sometimes, doing your best isn't enough. Especially when there are people mightier than you na seemingly out-of-reach at inapproachable.

Effort is slowly being depreciated.


Or is it just me?

*sigh*

"Sayang!"

Now I get what they mean.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

sailing day


Composer/Lyricist: Fujiwara Motoo
Artist: Bump of Chicken
Featured in: One Piece Movie 4: Dead End Adventure

目を閉じたその中に 見えた
Me wo tojita sono naka ni mieta
I closed my eyes, and therein I could see
微かな眩しさを

Kasukana mabushisa wo
A faint radiance
掴み取ろうとした 愚かなドリーマー

Tsukamitorou to shita oroka na dori-ma-
That I tried to grab ahold of, foolish dreamer

伸ばした手は 閉じた目に
Nobashita te ha tojita me ni
Your extended hand, is not projected to my closed eyes
写らなくて 途方に暮れる

Utsuranakute tohou ni kureru

I'm puzzled

射程距離から 随分遠く 滲む

Shateikyori kara zuibun tooku nijimu

I run extremely far out of range


どうにかまだ 僕は僕を 辞めないで 生きている
Dounika mada boku wa boku wo yamenai de ikiteiru
I'm still living without having given up on myself, after a fashion
たった一度 笑えるなら 何度でも 泣いたっていいや

Tatta ichido waraeru nara nandodemo naitatte ii ya
If I can laugh just once, after I've cried so many times

精一杯 運命に抵抗 正解・不正解の判断
Seiippai unmei ni teikou seikai, fuseikai no handan
I resist fate with all my might
自分だけに許された権利

Jibun dake ni yurusareta kenri
The decision between right and wrong, I'm permitted that right

sailing day 舵を取れ

Sailing day kaji wo tore
Sailing day, taking the helm
夜明けを待たないで 帆を張った 愚かなドリーマー
Yoake wo matanai de hoo wo hatta oroka na dori-ma-
I put up the sail without waiting for dawn, foolish dreamer

数えたら キリが無い程の 危険や不安でさえも
Kazoetara kiri ga nai hodo no kiken ya fuande sae mo
On my count, you'll love even limitless danger and suspense
愛して迎え撃った 呆れたビリーヴァー
Aishite mukaeutta akireta biri-va-
As we meet the enemy, amazed believer

目を開いたその先に 見える
Me wo hiraita sono saki ni mieru
Before I open my eyes
確かな眩しさが
Tashika na mabushisa ga
I see a definite radiance
空になったハートに 理由を注ぐ
Kara ni natta ha-to ni riyuu wo sosogu
That feeds reasons into my empty heart

そうしてまた 僕は僕の 背中を押していく
Sou shite mata boku wa boku no senaka wo oshiteiku
With that, I'll again hunch my back
たった一つ 掴む為に 幾つでも 失うんだ
Tatta hitotsu wo tsukamu tame ikutsu demo ushinaun da
To grab ahold just once, I will lose a lot

精一杯 存在の証明 過ちも 間違いも

Seiippai sonzai no shoumei ayamachi mo machigai mo
With all my might, I am proof of existence
自分だけに価値のある財宝
Jibun dake ni kachi no aru zaihou

An error, a mistake, to me those are valuable treasures


sailing day 舵を取れ
Sailing day kaji wo tore
Sailing day, taking the helm
哀しみも 絶望も 拾っていく 呆れたビリーヴァー
Kanashi mo zetsubou mo hirotteiku akireta biri-va-
Sadness, despair, I'll gather them; amazed believer

誰もが皆 それぞれの船を出す
Daremo ga minna sorezore no fune wo dasu
Everyone will send out their own ship
それぞれの見た 眩しさが 灯台なんだ
Sorezore no mita mabushisa ga toudai nanda
The radiance that each of us sees, is a light house

そうだよ まだ 僕は僕の 魂を持ってる
Sou da yo mada boku wa boku no tamashii wo motteru
Yes, I still have my spirit
たった一秒 生きる為に いつだって 命懸け 当たり前だ
Tatta ichibyou ikiru tame ni itsudatte inochigake atarimae da
Risking one's life for just a moment is always reasonable for the sake of living on

精一杯 存在の証明 敗北も 後悔も
Seiippai sonzai no shoumei haiboku mo koukai mo
With all my might, I am proof of existence
自分だけに意味のある財宝
Jibun dake ni imi no aru zaihou
Defeat, regret, to me those are meaningful treasures

sailing day 舵を取れ
Sailing day kaji wo tore
Sailing day, taking the helm
冒険の日々全て 拾っていく 呆れたビリーヴァー
Bouken no hibi subete hirotteiku akireta biri-va-
I'll gather all the adventurous days, amazed believer

精一杯 運命に抵抗 決して消えはしない
Seiippai unmei ni teikou keshite kie ha shinai
I resist fate with all my might
僕だけを照らし出す灯台
Boku dake wo terashidasu toudai
By no means will I disappear, the lighthouse will start to shine on only me

sailing day 舵を取れ
Sailing day kaji wo tore
Sailing day, taking the helm
嵐の中 嬉しそうに 帆を張った 愚かなドリーマー
Arashi no naka ureshisou ni hou wo hatta oroka na dori-ma-
In the wind I happily raised the sail, foolish dreamer

誰もがビリーヴァー
Daremo ga biri-va-
Everyone is a believer

永遠のドリーマー
Eien no dori-ma-
An eternal dreamer