Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Being Human: Choice

Humans are humans because of their intrinsic capability to form history. Historicity, as defined by philosophy, is man's capability to make history because of his and her capacity to choose freely. Because of historicity, man is able to create a world fitting for man, and the very world they create makes them man; separate from world of basic biological existence. Civilization envelops man in a reality of culture, improvement, and most of all, meanings.

Man is different from any other living organism that exists in the world because only he and only her has the opportunity to face crossroads. They are always placed in a position where they need to make a humble or mighty decision. Because of this, man is able to quietly arrange his new future in his bidding, intentional or not. Man lives in time; man lives in the present as the result of the interwoven events of the past and the future. Ironically, man is the result of the crosspoint of two non-existent objects: the nothingness of the expired past, and the nothingness of the still immaterial future. Man resides in a tiny fraction of a second, struggling to stay in the present and not trip down and get swallowed by the past; and pacing himself according to the wills of time, not running ahead of what is supposed to be happening. Man lives now, and in this now, man chooses his path. The past cannot be touched, but this doesn't mean that the present is untouchable as well -- a result of a predetermined path even before he is born. Man is greatly limited in his temporailty, but in his limitations, he sees his true potential, and develops it, making man more man and man live in a more meaningful environment.

It is never true that man is powerless to change his course in destiny. In man's simple actions, such as smiling to a friend, looking at a stranger, or helping an elderly cross the street, he may be writing a future of a parter in life, a newfound friend, and even maybe a simple, sincere, and warm expression of gratitude. Man can change everything if he desires to, and because of historicity, man is always aware of his limitations and his possibilities.




We never have time for anything. We make time for everything.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Sorry September

Rolf lives to write. Each and every day, he never fails to satiate his drive to write about life, love, and people. He vividly expresses his thoughts with colorful words fresh with the hues of happiness and greatness. His sentences bring music to the seemingly monotonous clicking of the keys of his old keyboard. His words containing the imagery of his boundless imagination and deep reflections about the passing day immortalizes each and every memory into an invisible book free from the boundaries of time. He will just look at his dried daisy framed on the wall, and all manners of eloquence and ideas pours forth from his mind into his hands.

That daisy was given to him by someone special. It was given by a person whom he loved deeply, and whose memories he cherished for forever. The daisy is a reminder of how stagnant time felt the very first time their eyes met. With the minuscule increment of time, he felt each and every surreal feeling inside his deeply wounded heart.

But one uneventful day under a beautiful cerulean sky, the daisy of September died. Somehow, and for some reason, it fell to the concrete floor. The glass that enclosed it from the living air shattered into three pieces: the shard of the past, the piece of the present, and the glimpse of the future. The unique redness of the daisy turned into a lifeless and depressing shade of brown. Its beauty turned into a mourned sorrow as time took its recourse on the flower made eternal by his love.

All Rolf could do was cry. Time moved on, but whether Rolf was left behind or not remained unknown.

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Blog, sorry. Sadyang abala lang talaga ako at ang dami kong pinagdadaanan ngayon. Gusto ko nang sumuko, ngunit hindi ko rin alam kung bakit hindi ko kayang sumuko. Nalulungkot akong sabihin sa iyo na sa mga panahong ito, hindi ka makakatulong sa akin. Kailangan ko ng isang taong talagang makaiintindi ng aking kinalalagyan, ngunit iyan na rin ang problema: wala akong malapitan. Blog, sana kahit sa isang Sabado lang, maging tao ka at tulungan ako. Kailangan ko ngayon ng mayayakap.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Sleep

To whom it may concern,
Or for those who have concern:

Here is the short list of my week, with requirements:

Tuesday, September 9, 2008
- CS179.15A Detailed Concept Paper

Progress? Almost done.

- Software Installation at St. Therese's College
Confirmation? I can't join Ma'am Didith and Sir Saichi since I have a report to do.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008
- CS123 Oracle Financials Report

Progess? Haven't started yet.

- Data Gathering at St. Therese's College
Confirmation? Most probably I cannot join Ma'am Didith and Sir Saichi again since I have a long test the following day.

Thursday, September 11, 2008
- CS152 Second Long Test

Progress? Haven't studied caches and assembly.

- Gathered Data Compilation
Confirmation? Not sure yet, I have a long test in the morning.

Saturday & Sunday, September 13-14, 2008
- Ateneo College Entrance Test Proctor

Call time? 5:45am. Yes, in the morning.


I am perpetually drained of sleep. Every passing week is tougher than the previous one.


Basically, I can't write of anything since I feel tired. My brain feels drained, and my emotions are starting to get tired as well.

I find myself stupid. Even if my body is at the brink of collapsing, my will still finds a hidden ounce of strength to walk a distance and go to Timezone in Gateway.


*sigh


I miss substantial blogging. It's just that everything seems to be draining away, into the nether abyss. The solace I find in the places I love going to is slowly starting to morph into a depressing state of solitude.

I hope as I sleep, I dream of myself free from work, basking in the cool air and loud noise of someplace chaotic. There, our eyes would meet, hopefully building a bridge for friendship to cross the turbulent waters between two strangers.

Till next time, and I hope there is a next time. Something tells me time is running inadequate.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Pressure ~ Feelings

It is one of those blog posts wherein I feel pressured to write something because I feel that I am starting to neglect my blog again. It's not that. I've been really busy during the past few days. Rage almost consumed me when Fr. Arcilla moved our long test from the following week to the following Thursday. My plans for the week was instantly destroyed as I silently sat on my armchair, restraining my fury and nursing my malevolent intentions. My plan was to study during the weekend and take a little time off during the rest of the days. But, Fr. Arcilla's "unplanned" trip to Mexico made me push my mind and body to its extreme limits. I felt I was at the verge of a mental implosion coupled with an instantaneous shutdown of my bodily functions. For two or three nights in a row, I found myself sleeping even past the witching hours. I woke up to cloudy mornings with an unfamiliar emptiness and lightness in my head.

Oh well. I can say bye-bye to that long test. Apparently, I was so worked up that I messed up the facts that were essential in answering the question. I coined the ship "Bertha" as "Brusa", and I may bewilder historians as I said that there was an embassy in New York during the times of the La Gloriosa and the Cavite Mutiny.

Anyway, I was appointed as the project head of GA3 this year. I'm a little worried that I can't do it, but I'm also excited about it even right now. I also joined a committee on Loopback, an event with the alumni of CompSAt.

Some things are just happening, and I cannot do anything about it. Happy things are happening, but I cannot fully embrace its warm feeling since I am in the midst of the embrace of sadness. Two of my greatest blockmates will be leaving for France in three days. I don't know how my best friend feels about what he's going through, but that's okay I guess. We made an agreement that we won't pressure each other to tell about our own problems. The feelings I have for a friend of mine are still inside my heart, although these feelings aren't as painful as before.

Life.

The ACET will be held next Saturday and Sunday. I'm looking forward to it since I will be proctoring for the two whole days of it, and I will be earning my very first salary. Somehow and in some way, all these responsibilities that I have taken up or have been imposed on me makes me feel all grown-up. Well, I'm already 20, but I still find myself
isip-bata.

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I'll miss you two.
Don't stay sad too long.
Thanks for recognizing me when I passed by. You made my day.