Thank [insert name here] for the lupa and everything!

So ginusto mong magka-experience na pasasalamatan mo na may solid ground. And then, naiinggit ka sa mga ice skaters.

Nagkayayaan kayo ng friendships niyo to go to Megamall and skate on ice. What the heck! Humans aren't made to gracefully glide on ice! *grumble grumble* And in the end, nag-enjoy ka naman. Sheesheesh!


To make your arctic adventure pleasing and *painless*, feel free to read these listings. And yes, these data were gathered by experience.



1. Before anything else, may pera ka ba? Baka mamaya wala! Ice skating is for rich people naman kasi eh! [pats self on head] Like duhness walang snow sa Pilipinas, eh kung wala kang dough, where will you skate? Sa isang basong yelo? At dahil dyan, kailangan mo magpunta sa Megamall or sa MoA to skate. Kung may coupons ka, the prices are P60/hr and P100/hr respectively. Ewan ko lang kung bakit kami bingyan ng coupons (baka kasi marami kami).. Kung hindi kayo binigyan ng coupons, be ready to shell out something like P250, pero unlimited na. Aanuhin mo naman ang unlimited ice skating time? Magpapalamig para masarap ang hot coffee or hot sopas pag-uwi mo? Kung ganun, weirdo ka, or maybe just plain rich.


2. If you do not have any experience to any kind of skating, well, get ready to be hurt. Kung ayaw mong mahurt at noob ka, uminom ka ng tatlong bote ng painkillers or magpakahigh ka or something. Expect to do some suislides, man. It is a part of skating life. Pwede ka ring magsuot ng armor, tapos mag-try outs ka na rin para sa hockey team. Naka-armor ka na eh malay mo pumasa ka as the goal (not goalie). That is sure gratifying, eh?


3. The railings are your best friend. Kung hindi ka pa magaling, dun ka lang muna. Pero be sure to venture out sa ice or else you would never learn. Sa tingin mo paano kaya gumaling yung mga skaters? Like duh, meron silang mobile railings.


4. If you commit suislide, tip ko lang kapag tatayo ka na ay KEEP YOUR HANDS AND FINGERS CLOSE TO YOUR BODY! I cannot stress this enough. Malay mo biglang may dumaan.. and.. and.. free vienna sausages! O baka naman mamaya pumapalakpak ka na when you are fanning yourself with your hands.. (demo please)


5. A oo nga pala, when you think you will commit suislide, bend your knees. Bending your knees would make your wipeout graceful and flawless like a ballerina. But it is STILL a wipeout, so too bad. Ballerina ballerina ka pa dyan loko!


6. Keep track of time. Kasi napagaling ng policy dun eh. Kapag sumobra ka ng 5 minutes, it would be considered as an hour. So kapag hinarangan ka nung lady with the calculator sa exit, ipaglaban mo ang excuse na "Eh kasi marami kami and we had to remove our skates and everything..." Hey, that worked! Well kung mag-isa ka lang, uhm.. sabihin mo nagka-emergency ka. Urgent business. Sa banyo lang nga..


7. Beware of beyblades. Baka kasi ma-shred ka to smithereens or baka magsuka sila sa kakaikot. Malas mo kung napabilis ka ng andar tapos hindi ka marunong mag-turn or mag-break tapos head-on collision ka pa sa isang beyblade.. Hala! Anong gagawin mo?! E di umikut-ikot rin para beybalde ka na rin! Hindi ka marunong nun? Well too bad. Face your fate, ikaw ay maga-grate.


8. Para mas enjoy, take advanced diving lessons with someone. Hmm, I wonder who that person is?


9. Nga pala, magdala ng extra shirt. Medyo pagpapawisan ka rin eh. Paano ko nalaman? There was a guy with wet underarms. Paano kaya yun nabasa? Ano ba, e di he fell armpits first sa ice! DUH!


10. Magdala ka na rin ng nametag with "I am a noob, stay away!" written in it. Mahirap kasi eh. A rink with lots of noobs in it is collision-prone. As in SOBRA. Or hintayin mong magka-clearing sa rink bago ka magpunta sa gitna or go across. Kung gusto mo lalayuan ka talaga, magsuot ka ng "Mabaho ako!" O di ba? Wala talagang lalapit sayo! Galing talaga ng mga ideas ko!

11. After skating, huwag kalimutan sabihin ang "Thank [insert name here] for the lupa and everything!"

O yan, all set ka na!
Go na! As in, now na!