I was getting used to the overwhelming noise and disturbing thoughts my mind races through everyday, especially when I lay on my bed, trying to get some sleep. There were a series of truths that were revealed to me over these past two weeks. Those truths were truths that I know, but have been kept astray for some reason the past kept on holding on tightly. After a whole week of sleepless nights and 18-hour struggles, I woke up with a clear mind. The silence was deafening. It was then that I asked myself if I was really letting go.
A part of me remained crying.
A part of me felt everything will be alright.
A part of me consumed itself with anger.
I talked with a best friend of mine since high school. It was something he said that made me feel this way.
Ang best friends..kahit na anong sobrang laki ng problem nyan
BEST FRIENDS pa rin
I was keeping myself distracted with all my might for me not to think about this. Now, I am trapped once again in between the walls of consequences, reality, happiness, and dreams. Inside that windowless room, I keep asking myself what I'm supposed to do. Should I let go and fight with all my remaining will power the feelings of hatred slowly consuming a part of me? Should I act as if nothing is wrong and everything is fine, even if deep down inside, it isn't? Or should I let go but keep all the memories? But in any case, the future looks bleak. My strength has become my weakness as well.
I texted someone on how a person could forget something easily. He told me that forgetting about two important people and all the memories with them would take some time. He asked me why I want to forget them. I told him that the memories that made me stand up every time I fell and made me happy were now making me fall down and sad. It was like the feeling of someone really close to you leaving and not coming back without saying goodbye. He told me to still cherish everything as those memories still continue to be a source of strength through the most difficult of times.
I didn't understand what he meant. How could that happen if each and every time I reminisce those memories, sadness fills me? But I kept searching, I kept hoping, and I kept believing. I kept on intangibly embracing those memories and hopelessly believing on a tomorrow where everything and everyone will be happy again.
Maybe that was what he was trying to tell me all along.
---
As I pushed against the walls of the dark, shrinking, windowless room I was a prisoner of, I felt something uneven bruising one of my palms. I lifted my palm, and a faint ray of light broke the darkness. There was a tiny hole in the room I was confined in. I looked in that tiny hole, and suddenly, each and every memory that I cherished filled my mind and my whole body. I suddenly felt a gentle breeze envelop me in its comforting warmth. I closed my eyes tightly as I embraced what my heart has been believing in.
I opened my eyes after a moment, and I found myself under a sky full of stars shining and twinkiling, a night sky full of happiness and promise. I stretched my arms to reach them, but I remained in the ground, unable to reach them. Those stars remained distant, and all I could do was to look at their light, persevering against the darkness of the silent night sky.
A part of me remained crying.
A part of me felt everything will be alright.
A part of me consumed itself with anger.
I talked with a best friend of mine since high school. It was something he said that made me feel this way.
Ang best friends..kahit na anong sobrang laki ng problem nyan
BEST FRIENDS pa rin
I was keeping myself distracted with all my might for me not to think about this. Now, I am trapped once again in between the walls of consequences, reality, happiness, and dreams. Inside that windowless room, I keep asking myself what I'm supposed to do. Should I let go and fight with all my remaining will power the feelings of hatred slowly consuming a part of me? Should I act as if nothing is wrong and everything is fine, even if deep down inside, it isn't? Or should I let go but keep all the memories? But in any case, the future looks bleak. My strength has become my weakness as well.
I texted someone on how a person could forget something easily. He told me that forgetting about two important people and all the memories with them would take some time. He asked me why I want to forget them. I told him that the memories that made me stand up every time I fell and made me happy were now making me fall down and sad. It was like the feeling of someone really close to you leaving and not coming back without saying goodbye. He told me to still cherish everything as those memories still continue to be a source of strength through the most difficult of times.
I didn't understand what he meant. How could that happen if each and every time I reminisce those memories, sadness fills me? But I kept searching, I kept hoping, and I kept believing. I kept on intangibly embracing those memories and hopelessly believing on a tomorrow where everything and everyone will be happy again.
Maybe that was what he was trying to tell me all along.
---
As I pushed against the walls of the dark, shrinking, windowless room I was a prisoner of, I felt something uneven bruising one of my palms. I lifted my palm, and a faint ray of light broke the darkness. There was a tiny hole in the room I was confined in. I looked in that tiny hole, and suddenly, each and every memory that I cherished filled my mind and my whole body. I suddenly felt a gentle breeze envelop me in its comforting warmth. I closed my eyes tightly as I embraced what my heart has been believing in.
I opened my eyes after a moment, and I found myself under a sky full of stars shining and twinkiling, a night sky full of happiness and promise. I stretched my arms to reach them, but I remained in the ground, unable to reach them. Those stars remained distant, and all I could do was to look at their light, persevering against the darkness of the silent night sky.
1 comment:
*hug*
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