I have said this before: I easily trust people.
In my opinion, the cause of this ease of trust is the way I look at people. I instinctively brand the people I meet and have conversations with as good and incapable of doing any kind of harm out of pure malice. Blindly looking at people's true motives and intentions, I seek the small refuge they might offer in their sharing or "sharing" of their self. Things happen over and over again; people enter and leave my life as if it was untouched, unmarred, or without any kind of scars. And the end of each farewell, my tears roll down my cheeks no matter how hard I try to muster everything inside. I readily open my palms in preparation to gently catch and fondly caress what they will throw to me as their own being, but in doing so, they cover a hidden desire which remains cloaked in mystery until the damage is done and the pain is felt.
No matter how heinous or atavistic a person looks, deep inside me a voice lingers saying words that mark the belief that a good person resides inside that appearance. Deception is at work: either me deceiving myself into feel-good and heroic structures, or them putting up a concrete barrier to make the visible be invisible to the eyes of someone gullible like me. It is just that seldom do I interact with people outside my zones, and in that seldom occasion that someone steps into my circle, my hunger for closely-knit ties rumbles my senses and opens my whole in their mercy. But that does not justify everything. It does not support anything.
I have trouble trusting myself, but I have no problem trusting other people.
I guess this is one of my obvious weaknesses,
but I hope someone could look into it as a strength,
so that I may start believing in myself in a way that can ratify my sense of self-perception.
In my opinion, the cause of this ease of trust is the way I look at people. I instinctively brand the people I meet and have conversations with as good and incapable of doing any kind of harm out of pure malice. Blindly looking at people's true motives and intentions, I seek the small refuge they might offer in their sharing or "sharing" of their self. Things happen over and over again; people enter and leave my life as if it was untouched, unmarred, or without any kind of scars. And the end of each farewell, my tears roll down my cheeks no matter how hard I try to muster everything inside. I readily open my palms in preparation to gently catch and fondly caress what they will throw to me as their own being, but in doing so, they cover a hidden desire which remains cloaked in mystery until the damage is done and the pain is felt.
No matter how heinous or atavistic a person looks, deep inside me a voice lingers saying words that mark the belief that a good person resides inside that appearance. Deception is at work: either me deceiving myself into feel-good and heroic structures, or them putting up a concrete barrier to make the visible be invisible to the eyes of someone gullible like me. It is just that seldom do I interact with people outside my zones, and in that seldom occasion that someone steps into my circle, my hunger for closely-knit ties rumbles my senses and opens my whole in their mercy. But that does not justify everything. It does not support anything.
I have trouble trusting myself, but I have no problem trusting other people.
I guess this is one of my obvious weaknesses,
but I hope someone could look into it as a strength,
so that I may start believing in myself in a way that can ratify my sense of self-perception.
3 comments:
hehehe. trusting people easily means you're good enough to trust the "good" in people. ;P
here... here... here
BK boy: Is that good or bad?
wanderingcommuter: Thanks for stopping by.
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