Showing posts with label Along Katipunan Avenue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Along Katipunan Avenue. Show all posts

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Hello World

System.out.println("Hello World!");

Ito ang karaniwang pinakaunang program na matutunan ng isang Java Programmer. Una ko itong natutunan noong ako'y nasa unang taon pa lamang sa Pamantasan ng Ateneo de Manila, at ngayon, habang sinusulat ko ang mga katagang ito, naghihintay ang aming tesis na may pamagat na Audio Based Game for the Visually Impaired on the Xbox 360 Console para sa makabuluhang kilos dahil mula't nagsabog ng basang lagim ang kaibigang si Ondoy, natigil na ang lahat ng kahit na anong pag-iisip tungkol sa mga bulag, isang telebisyon, at isang Xbox 360 at kung ano pang aparatong kailangan matutunang gamitin ng isang bulag.

Mahigit sa isang buwan na lang, pasko na, at sa loob ng dalawa't kalahating buwan, taong dos mil dyis na. Naalala ko pa noong nasa ikaapat na baitang ako na binibilang ko kung ilang taon pa ako kailangang mag-aral. Isa, dalawa, tatlo, apat... labing-isa. Dati, nagmumukmok ako tuwing maiisip ko na napakatagal pa ang kailangan kong gugulin sa pag-aaral, ngunit ngayong sa loob ng apat na buwan ay magtatapos na ako, hindi ko na alam.

Hello World.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Masaya? (After Theology)

Yeah, medyo sabaw ang utak ko ngayon. Kakabasa ko lang kasi ng Chapter 3 ng theology book namin. "The Peaceful Sea" ang title. Sa loob ng dalawampung pahina ng maliliit na letra, isa lang ang tumatak sa isip ko: to be Christian is to be happy, o parang ganun na nga. Hindi photographic ang aking memorya, kaya patawad.

Ayon sa may akda ng libro na kinaiinisan ko dahil kung hindi niya isinulat ang libro niya, wala kaming babasahin para sa theo at wala kaming quiz bukas ukol dito, kailangan raw ipanganak, magbunyi, maghirap, mamatay, at muling mabuhay para makamit ang tunay na kaligayahan -- yun bang bukal sa pinakaloob ng isang tao at yun bang kaligayahang nag-uumapaw at bumabahagi sa lahat ng nakapaligid. Siyempre, dahil theology ang pinag-uusapan, para makamit ang tunay na kaligayahan, dapat buong tapang nating harapin ang tawag ng kaligayahang ito. Natatakot raw kasi tayo na mahirapan at mamatay dahil masyado na raw tayong kampante sa kung anong mayroon tayo sa ngayon. At siyempre naman, sino nga bang gustong mahirapan at mamatay, hindi ba? (At by the way, yan ang sinasabi ko sa lahat ng mga required readings ko sa Ateneo; apparently hindi ako mahilig magbasa ng mga scholarly articles)

At sabi rin sa akdang iyon, lahat ng tao ay ginawa upang tanggapin ang kaligayahan mula sa itaas. Hindi natin kayang alisin ito bilang mga tao, ngunit may kakayahan tayong talikuran ang tawag na ito at manatiling malungkot at walang pakiramdam sa buhay.


So, is religion the opium of the people?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Mga Tanong na Paulit-ulit na Tinatanong ng Isang Mag-aaral

Hindi ko talaga gets ang mga inaral ko dito sa Ateneo. Sayang sa units!

Alam mo yun? Kasi ang dami-daming required subjects dito sa school na hindi ko alam kung paano ko i-aapply bilang isang Computer Science undergraduate. Hindi ko rin alam kung papaano ko ito magagamit bilang isang degree holder ng nasabing kurso (sana, by next year po). Alam mo yun? Anong gagawin ko sa labindalawang units sa kung anu-anong klase sa theology? Hindi ko naman sinasabing buwagin na sa core curriculum ang theology, pero kailangan ba talagang apat na subject ang required? Dahil ba isang Jesuit institution ang Ateneo kaya kailangan dumadagundong na labindalawang units ang kailangan para magtapos sa kahit na anong kurso? Pati na rin ang philosophy. Kailangan rin bang lumalagitik na labindalawang units rin ang kailangan? Gusto ko naman ang philosophy, yun nga lang, parang paulit-ulit ata ang mga inaaral. At ang mahirap pa, kahit na anong pagsusunog ng kilay o pamimiga ng utak ang gawin mo sa pag-aaral, C lang ang makukuha mo sa orals. O baka naman hindi lang talaga ako magaling magtawid ng aking mga saloobin kaya ganun? Ang bitter. Ang bitter talaga. Ayos lang sa akin kung ipapatapon niyo ako sa isang far, far away place, o kaya nama'y ipababaril sa isang firing squad sa kung saang lupalop ng Quezon City.

Wala lang. Wala lang yata ako mapost kaya ganito. Nakakainis lang pati ang mga professor na aalis ng bansa at iiwan kayo ng dalawang linggo. Pero hindi ako galit, naiinis lang. Tumatambak na rin kasi ang mga kailangan kong gawin, at nagpapalala pa sa lahat ng ito ang thesis.

Hay, thesis. Sino bang nakaimbento sa iyo?

Monday, June 29, 2009

Busy

One thing I can say: being a senior isn't easy.

I have a lot of things to do. That's all I've been saying for the past two weeks. It's hard to balance academics from org life.

I need to compromise things, and unfortunately, my blog is one of those unlucky little parts of my life which I need to set aside in order to make my dreams of a nice future come to fruition, one small step at a time. Each and every day seems like a whole week. Two weeks have passed, but it feels that a whole semester just elapsed. I lose track of the ideas that come to my mind because I'm too occupied to even just think of something to write. I don't know. Right now, I'm living off the nice feeling whenever you cross out something out of your epic to-do list.

Sigh. Last two semesters to go.

I feel sad that the end is already so visible, but I'm happy because I made friendships that I know will last seven lifetimes.

Tired, so tired. But I'm happy with what I have.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Huling First Day ng First Sem

Hay grabe. Senior na po ako. Huling dalawang semestre ko na po ito sa Pamantasan ng Ateneo de Manila. Ngunit tinatamad po akong pumasok bukas. Bitin na bitin po kasi ang aking bakasyon dahil kakatapos lang ng aking OJT. Sobrang hindi pa ako handa talaga pumasok bukas. Gusto ko nang mag-ayos ng gamit para bukas, pero ayaw ng katawan ko. Napakabigat ng pakiramdam ko talaga ngayon. Iniisip ko, ito ba ang nararamdaman ng isang presong bibitayin na sa loob ng labindalawang oras?

Ang labo, pero ngayong malapit na ako magtapos, ngayon ko pa nararanasan ang mga first day high na katulad nito. Hindi lang talaga ako mapalagay, grabe. Parang gusto kong iikot nang iikot ang tumbong ko sa kinauupuan ko ngayon, pero miski iyon, tinatamad akong gawin. Parang hindi kasi talaga sapat ang tatlong araw na pahinga, e. O baka naman sapat na ito, kaya lang tila kulang ito dahil isa akong malaking batugan? Ah naku naman talaga. Gusto kong matulog nang matulog nang matulog nang matulog. Ang sarap kasi sa batugang pakiramdam ang magigising ka sabay babanatan mo ng isa na namang five-minutes-pero-nagiging-five-hours na tulog.

Hindi lang talaga ako mapakali kasi huling first day ng first sem ko na ito. Grabe, parang kailan lang, unang first day ng first sem ko tapos ngayon, huli na. Ang bilis ano?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Second to the Last Sem: SUPER SCHEDULE

OHYESS I JUST LOVE BEING IN THE LAST BATCH. SO MANY CHOICES LEFT!
(sarcasm intended)

Classes:

Th151: A Theology of the Catholic Social Vision
Clamor, Arnella Francis
Section E, MWF 1030 - 1130, B105

Ph104: Foundations of Moral Value
Principe, Jesus Deogracias
Section M, MWF 1130-1230, BEL212

Ec102: Basic Economics, Agrarian Reform and Taxation
Bautista, Cristina
Section O, MWF 1430 - 1530, SECA208A

CS112: Structure of Programming Language
Instructor to be announced
Section A, MWF 1230 - 1330, CTC215

CS130: Theory of Computation
Instructor to be announced
Section A, TTh 0730 - 0900, F227

CS179.11: Special Topics in Multimedia: Introduction to Flash Scripting
Instructor to be announced
Section A, MWF 1330 - 1440, F204

CS179B: Integrative Project
Mentor: De Vera, Jose Alfonso
Section C, F 1800 - 2100, CTC214

Monday, March 23, 2009

Beginning of the End ~ Two Down Three to Go

FINALS WEEK
[x] Pilosopiya ng Tao 102: Huling Pabigkas na Pagsusulit
[x] Marriage and Sexuality - Theology 131 Finals
[ ] Operating Systems - CS162 Final Moodle Exam
[ ] Object-oriented Programming - CS124 Finals
[ ] Object-oriented Programming - CS124 Hibernate Project

[ ] FIND A JOB

----

Finally, I see the light at the end of this very, very long tunnel. March hasn't been very cooperative to me, let alone my focus in my academics. Time and time again, I have swamped my chances of a better feeling after a long and intense period of studying. My weight twittered to a dangerous range as the lack of sleep took its toll. I felt my immune system slowly shut down due to the skipped meals which lurched my stomach. My eyes always carry a heavy load of missed hours of rest, and my mind regresses to a very slow slate, as if it is trapped in an invisible and seemingly inescapable ditch. To relieve the tensions knotting my wits, expletives fly from my mouth to the air that reeked of something within reach, but still far from one's yearning grip.

However, I am somehow keeping things together.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Endangered Specie(s?)

Hindi ko na talaga alam kung ano bang gagawin ko. Sobrang baba na ng tingin ko sa sarili ko ngayon. Well, kailan ba naging mataas ang tingin ko sa sarili ko? Nakakaiyak na talaga, pero ano naman ang magagawa ng pag-iyak ko, 'di ba? Magbabago ba ang mga pagkakamali ko kung iiyak ako ng limang banyera ng dugo? Hindi naman, 'di ba?

Susubukan ko ba? Ayaw ko nga, wala na nga akong masyadong dugo, tapos iiyak pa ako ng limang banyera. Sa tingin ko nga, mabawasan lang ako ng isang kutsaritang dugo, papasok na ako sa isang irreversible state of brain inactivity. Siguro mas mabuti na rin yun kasi mabuti pa ang gulay, masarap at masustansiya.

Kasi naman. Ngayong sem na ito, lagi na lang hindi lumalabas sa mga test na yan ang mga inaaral ko. Aaminin kong hindi todong aral ang nagagawa ko, pero naman! Bumabagsak na ako sa Th131 dahil sinusubukan kong intindihin yung mga concept, pero ang mga lumalabas sa mga test at quizzes ay yung mga taong nag-isip ng mga concept na yun. And I am a jerkfuck in remembering asshat names printed inside a textbook or located deep within paragraphs and paragraphs of scholarly readings. I just suck at things, and more often than not, the things I suck at are the ones most important.

Pero may finals pa. Pusangama naman o. Tutangina. Sabi sa syllabus essay, so I guess I have a better chance of passing that one. Nakakaiyak, pero wala e, ito na. Siguro ako rin talaga ang may mali dahil hindi ako nag-effort more miski na alam kong kailangan ko. Sobrang naging tamad na talaga ako this sem. Maraming reason, pero isa sa mga main reasons ay ang CS162 kay Doc Mana. Nakakaiyak (lagi ka namang naiiyak, what a sissy). Sobrang nakakawalang gana ang class ni Mana to the point na gusto ko nang magshift-out ng BS Computer Science papuntang AB Fine Arts. Walang relationship sa mga sinasabi ko, pero gusto ko pa rin magtrabaho sa Timezone someday. Bakit ka makikipagsapalaran sa isang na kung saan may mas magagaling sa iyo sa lahat ng aspeto? Pero who am I to tell?

Pero may chance pa naman. Pero yun din ang sinabi ko a month ago nung nakita kong medyo alanganin na ako. Hindi ako pwedeng magkaroon ng dalawang D sa card dahil kung hindi, mawawalan (na naman) ako ng scholarship at sigurado akong mahirap na itong i-appeal ngayong incoming senior na ako. May chance pa naman, dahil sabi sa akin ni Kara, nagsuot lang raw siya ng tube dress sa finals ng CS162, at B ang nakuha niyang grade. Mabait naman si Kara at papahiramin niya raw sa akin yung tube top niya at ultra-short kepkep shorts. Ayos.

Hay. At kakasabi ko pa naman kay Jay kahapon na graduating na ako next year sa awa ng Diyos.

Kailangan ko lang ulit maniwala sa sarili ko. Kailangan.



O 'di ba. After a long time of inactivity, rant pa ang post ko.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Wah. Hell (Expect to See More)

Dahil ilang linggo na lang, March na, andito na naman para bumisita sa aming mga (masisipag) na mag-aaral ng Unibersidad ng Ateneo de Manila ang ultra magnificent and tumultuous deluge of major requirements na may conspiracy ata across all departments of the Loyola Schools dahil for some (unforeseen) reason, sabay-sabay ang kanilang mga deadline, grace period, pass-at-this-time-or-die dates, at kung ano pa man ang tawag nila doon.

Sa katunayan, may paper akong due sa Biyernes para sa Ph102 na 20% ng aking final grade. At ano ang tanong? "Ano ang pilosopiya ng tao?" E teka, hindi ba yan dapat ang itinuro sa amin? Parang hindi pa rin kasi namin alam ang tamang sagot sa tanong na yan, o parang wala talagang tamang sagot pero hinihingan kami ni Mariano ng tamang sagot ayon sa kanyang (omniscient) powers bilang isang instructor ng kursong Ph102? Nakakainis lang kasi Thursday bukas, meaning hanggang hatinggabi na naman kami sa school dahil sa pesteng CS162B na yan. Bah, mangongopya na lang ako, tutal may 1047++++ unread messages si Doc Mana sa kanyang inbox. Malamang yan yung lab submissions namin, ng batch bago namin, at ng batch na bago nang batch na bago sa amin.

Hay. If there was a button than could control time, I would have pressed it now.

Ayaw ko namang sumuko. I mean, isang taon na lang, tapos susuko pa ako?

Damn.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Routine Interview With Miss Olive

Okay so nadelay ang semestral interview ko sa Guidance Office. Naabutan kasi ako ng ulan sa job fair nung una kong schedule. Kung ako ang tatanungin, ayaw ko sanang magpa-interview kaya lang required sa scholarship ko. Oh well. Pero okay lang naman kasi masaya namang kausap si Miss Olive.

Medyo naghintay ako ng kaunti dun sa seating area kasi may ginagawa pa si Miss Olive. Makalipas ang ilang sandali, lumabas na si Miss Olive, at binati niya ako. Magaan na ang pakiramdam ko kay Miss Olive kasi nga halos dalawang taon na ata ako kinakausap ni Miss Olive.

Kumustahan lang naman ang nangyari. Nakakatuwang naalala pa ni Miss Olive yung mga sinabi ko sa kanya last sem; walang mga notes-notes yun kasi ang alala ko last time, parang hindi nila makita yung file ko kasi nga lumipat sila ng office. Bigla ko tuloy naalala yung time na nakasakay ako sa LRT papuntang Gateway tapos may kumaway sa akin na babaeng mukhang mabait, maputi at nakasalamin. Ngumiti ako at napatigil ng sandali, kasi hindi ko naalala agad na si Miss Olive pala iyon.

Basta, secret ang pinag-usapan namin. Ganun naman palagi, 'di ba?

Nung paalis niya ako, sabi niya sa akin na I look happier than before, that there was something different about me. Tinanong niya ako kung meron bang something, good news or the like.

"Ha? Wala ano. Haha."

Pagkabalik ko sa CompSAt room, sinabi ko sa kanila na mukha raw akong masaya ayon kay Miss Olive.

Nag-comment si Rai.

"But but, the people who are happy are mostly the ones with the heaviest problems..."

Monday, January 26, 2009

Sagot sa Number Two

Long test sa Theology 131. Puta. Hindi ako masyadong nakapag-aral dahil ang CS179.15B ang inatupag namin nung weekend. Sabay-sabay na naman kasi ang mga deadline ng milestones at ang dami pang kailangang basahin para sa ibang subjects. Well, nagpunta pa kasi ako sa Timezone kaya talagang wala na akong oras mag-aral. Well, meron pa naman, kaya lang, hindi ko na kayang mag-aral ng mabuti.

"May exam pa ako bukas at hindi pa ako nag-aaral!" wika ko kay Kuya Joel. Natiyempuhan kasing pauwi na siya habang nasa ibaba ako.

"Kayang-kaya mo yan!"

Nakakatuwa kasi ang dami nang ikinukwento sa akin ni Kuya Joel. Natutuwa ako dahil nakikipagkwentuhan siya sa akin kung may pagkakataon. Sa simpleng tango lang nga niya kapag andun ako, masaya na ako kasi kahit papaano, andoon ang recognition. Alam mo yun? Yung recognition na sinasabi ko?

Naghiwalay kami ni Kuya Joel ng landas sa may LRT station sa Cubao. MRT tapos FX daw kasi siya araw-araw, at ako naman ay isang sakay lang ng bus kapag napapadpad ako sa Cubao.

"Lord, ingatan niyo po si Kuya Joel, ha."

Hindi ako makatulog sa bus pauwi. Ang dami ko kasing iniisip noon. Sa dami, hindi ko na maalala kung ano.

Pagkauwi, sinubukan kong mag-aral para sa Th131 Long Test ko kinabukasan. Wala pa talaga akong naaaral at kung nasusubaybayan mo ang aking random rants, alam mong medyo sadsad ako sa theology. Bumabawi na lang ako sa mga theological reflections na sa kabutihang palad, mataas ang nakukuha ko. Pero dahil sa puyat, pagod, at sa katamaran na rin, medyo namadali ko ang pagbabasa ng notes ko. Bago umalis ng Gateway, sinabi ko sa sarili ko na kahit papaano, babasahin ko ang libro. Miski yung patingin-tingin lang. Pero wala, nauwi lang ang aking pagsusumikap sa paglalaro ng EssenceRO dahil malapit na raw i-release ang Warlock, ang Extended class ng High Wizard.

"Lord, sana po magising ako sa oras. Wala akong magagawa kung mahuhuli ako kasi pinili kong magpuyat, pero sana, tulungan mo po akong magising ng ala-sais."

At nagising ako ng ala-sais. Hindi makapaniwala ang isang batugang katulad ko.

Pagdating ko sa Ateneo, nagmadali ako sa Escaler Hall dahil malapit nang magsimula ang aking long test. Pagkakuha na pagkakuha ko ng papel, narinig ko ang nakakapanghinang mga salita ni Nelvin:

"Naku, identification!"

Nanlambot ang buo kong katawan. May Identification na 20 items, at dalawang puntos kada sagot. Ang ibig sabihin lang nito, dumadagungdong na kwarenta puntos ang kailangan kong isipin mula sa utak kong tuyot na.

"Lord, sana po ay tulungan niyo akong maalala ang mga inaral ko. Hindi siya marami, pero sana ay tulungan niyo po ako. Well, kung gusto niyo pong ibigay sa akin yung sagot, e 'di ayos. Haha."

Kahit papaano, nagawa ko namang sagutan ang True or False, at ang Identification na may pagka matching type. Sa huling pahina, unti-unting nanlamig ang aking pakiramdam.

"Identification. Syet."

Napiga ko ang mga sagot mula sa puyat kong utak. Hindi ko na halos mabuksan ang mga talukap ng aking mga mata sa antok na dulot na rin ng puyat at pagbabasa.

Verbum incarnatum ito ang alam ko eh.
Taena. Ano ito?
St. Paul? Gago, hindi ko nabasa yung libro... imbento.
Ah okay alam ko ito.
Ito rin.
Ito rin. Sisiw.
Fuck. Nakalimutan ko ata ito.
Adam ang sagot dito for sure.
Sinfulness yung state.
Freedom as choice? Ewan ko.
...
Categorical? Transcendental?


Hanggang sa isang tanong na lang ang natira.


2. the mystery of the prescence of Christ in the Eucharist


Alam ko ito. Trans...trans..trans-something. Transformation?


Kinapa ko ang rosaryo sa aking kaliwang bulsa.


TRANSUBSTANTIATION!




Matapos ang higit sa isang oras, ipinasa ko ang aking papel. Sa isang malaking ginhawa at sa isang malalim na bugtong hininga, naglakad ako palabas ng Escaler Hall.



"Lord, salamat po ng marami."

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

22 Resumes Printed

From the top of my head (well not really since tiningnan ko ang listahan ng participants), ito na ata ang mga companies na binigyan ko ng aking resume:
  1. e-PLDT, Inc.
  2. Incuventure Partners Corporation
  3. Integreon Managed Solution
  4. Canon Information Technology
  5. GlaxoSmithKline
  6. Nestle Philippines
  7. Unilever
  8. P&G
  9. Soluziona
  10. Abba Global System
  11. Azeus Systems Philippines
  12. Chikka Asia, Inc.
  13. Smart Communications, Inc.
  14. Globe Telecom
And meron din daw IT related practicum ang L'Oreal Philippines. Doubtful ano?

Pero I'm too lazy to write a something about these companies. Basta I'm hoping that I get to enter Chikka as an intern dahil ayon sa mga upperclassmen, masaya doon dahil mababait ang mga tao and stuff. Same lobby pero different tower ang office ng Azeus, na mukhang maraming maaaring matutunan. Interesting ano? And weirdly enough, ayaw kong mapunta sa Smart or sa Globe or anywhere else na sobrang big-time corporate IT ang field dahil parang nakakapressure ang competition and stuff. Besides, feeling ko eh hindi ako magiging successful sa field na yan dahil, well, basta. Tapos yung Abba, no offense, pero parang hindi sobrang credible or something. Hindi ko alam. There must have been something in their booth that made me feel a little bit confused. Please, correct me if I'm horribly wrong.

Ayan. Kakatapos lang magprint ng 10 ko pang resume. More companies await my resume tomorrow.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Tact Fact

Dahil tinatamad akong gumawa ng blog entry tungkol sa aking unang JEEP insertion sa Robinsons Marikina, gagawa na lang ako ng entry tungkol sa FIRO-B test interpretation namin kanina. May relevance naman sa JEEP eh, so ayos lang.

Kanina kasi, tinanong ni Ma'am Aileen, ang aming facilitator, kung kumusta ba kami sa aming mga area. Ayos na ayos naman ang area ko kasi ako yung pinalad na huling makapag-enlist sa Robinsons Marikina under kay Sir Mike. Medyo madali lang naman ang trabaho doon kung ikukumpara sa pagiging palero slash basurero slash basurera ng Omni, fish vendor sa Marikina Wet Market, o kaya street sweeper ng Commonwealth Avenue ng EPMWD. Sa totoo lang, wala talaga akong reklamo sa Robinsons Marikina. Malinis, malamig, at hindi mabaho. Well, exceptions siguro yung receiving area na sobrang init at yung meat section na sobrang amoy sariwang karne. Ay, ang reklamo ko lang pala ay yung sobrang hirap ng buhay na wala kang bulsa. Grabe. Akala ko dati, kunin mo nang lahat 'wag lang ang aking dignidad at puri. Ngayon, kunin mo nang lahat 'wag lang ang aking dignidad at puri plus mga bulsa kasi mawawalan ako ng lalagyan ko ng panyo at pamasahe.

Kanina, habang nagbabahagi si Gabo ng kanyang mga saloobin, tumatak sa isip ko yung sinabi niyang naghihinay-hinay daw siya sa mga sinasabi niya sa Sta. Lucia kapag kinakausap siya ng mga talagang janitor doon. Naikuwento niya sa amin na parang mali yung isinagot niya noong tinanong siya kung ano raw bang ginagawa ng mga Atenista doon sa Sta. Lucia, at nagtatrabaho bilang mga janitor at janitress. Sabi niya, immersion.

Eh immersion program naman talaga ang JEeP eh, hindi ba?

Nung naisip ni Gabo yung mga sinabi niya, sana "training" na lang daw yung sinabi niya. Kasi raw parang naibaba nang hindi sinasadya ni Gabo ang tingin niya sa mga janitor noong sinabi niyang "immersion".

Oo nga naman.

Samantalang ako, noong tinanong nina Kuya at ni Ate, diri-diretso kong sinabi na "immersion".



Walang masama magsabi ng katotohanan, pero kailangan din ng pag-iingat. Hindi kasi natin alam kung kailan tayo makakasakit ng damdamin ng ibang tao.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Theological Reflection 1: Mirror

Imago Dei – God has created us and is continually molding us to His image and likeness. With this rooted firmly and deeply into our hearts, we people living in the world today can still overcome the threats that are poisoning the virtues, morals, and faith of people. Even if we have the intrinsic disposition to sin due to our imperfect nature as humans, we are still born good and have the capacity to search for something greater. We still have the gift to love and be loved by God as well as other people. However, problems stem out as questions stir within us due to the everyday struggle of each and every human being. In my opinion, the continuous erosion of spiritual and moral values, the ambiguity of moral standards, and the decay of dignity, liberty, and human rights are the fruits of this very venomous tree. The negative things we face in reality can sometimes cause our faith to tremble and lose its solidity. When times plunge to the darkest, one may question if what is happening is still a part of the great plan of God for each and every one of us. God has revealed Himself to us, yes, but even if He has descended to the earth fully human and fully divine to make our experience of His revelation more personal and more direct, we still did not understand much. The mysteries of our faith are all but too profound for us to understand, but God did make clear that He is inviting us to follow Him, and he is calling us with open arms to repent. He called and is constantly calling each and every one of us to be free from our selves which keep us from realizing our fullest potential – to be with Him when the time comes. However, it is up to us how we will heed His call to us. It is always up to each and every one of us how we will act to live our potentials. It is in our decisions where we answer God’s call to us. But what matters most is that we decide for ourselves, in doing so, we answer God’s call to us to live life unique to every individual. However, questioning one’s status amidst the state of things cannot be avoided as we are humans with the capacity to love, and to get hurt as well.

In my own experience, I have questioned my belief in God’s goodness time and time again. Amidst extreme hardships and losses in my life, I return to my faith in God. However, as the years passed and the struggles I faced became more and more personal; more and more devastating, my faith in God has all but just reduced to a five-letter word linked to a three-letter name. My belief in God became smaller and smaller to the point that I do not believe in His goodness anymore. Every time I face the somber realities of life, the more I get separated from God. As I look around me and see the suffering of many people, I ask God if this is what He wanted. But I know that the pain and suffering existing in the world are caused by decisions of many people – the same decisions that they take to follow their own vocation, their own way of life. But even though I grew to have a very negative perception in life, I still believe that it is up to us to choose whatever needs to be chosen. Setting my faith aside, I have learned through both regret and fulfillment that what we are today is the mirror of what we have chosen in the past, and what we are currently choosing in the present.




Sigh.
If all else fails, use force.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Twelve Hours, P1,500.00

A while ago, I received what seems to be my first official paycheck ever in my humble twenty years of life. I was ecstatic as I saw the nice attendant behind Window 10 shuffle through her notes and yank out a form with my name printed on it. As she was preparing the necessary documents for her to release the check with my name printed in bold font, I started to wonder what I would do with the money. It is just a small amount, a compensation of P1,500.00, but still, it meant a lot to me. As I signed the "Received By" field, I remembered the contract Ate Lisa gave me to make my work more or less formal:


TERMS OF REFERENCE

These are the TERMS OF REFERENCE that govern the research work conducted by RODOLFO NOKOM, henceforth referred to as the RESEARCH ASSISTANT, of MA. MERCEDES T. RODRIGO, Ph.D., henceforth referred to as Dr. Rodrigo, of the Department of Information Systems and Computer Science (DISCS) of the Ateneo de Manila University for the project entitled "Multidimensional Analysis of User-Machine Interactions Towards the Develoopment of Models of Affect" for the period of 15 September 2008 to 31 October 2008.

1. Obligation of the RESEARCH ASSISTANT
  • Assemble and ensure completeness of experiment kits for field work;
  • Encode data gathered from field work;
  • Keep all data confidential; no data will be released, analyzed or published without written permission from Dr. Rodrigo;
2. Obligations of Dr. Rodrigo
  • Provide the RESEARCH ASSISTANT with an inventory of the items that should go into the experiment kit;
  • Pay for costs of reproduction, communication, or postage and delivery related to the research; and
  • Provide the RESEARCH ASSISTANT with the gross compensation in the amount of P1,500.00 per month. The Ateneo de Manila University will deduct withholding tax from this amount and remit it to the appropriate government agency.

Conforme:

Rodolfo Nokom
RESEARCH ASSISTANT

Ma. Mercedes T. Rodrigo, Ph.D.
Associate Professor
Department of Information Systems and Computer Science
Loyola Schools
Ateneo de Manila University


After working for twelve hours in a span of two weeks, I get rewarded. Actually, Ma'am Didith just paid me. All I wanted was the service hours needed in my scholarship.

Now, what should I do with this?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

May Pasok na Pala Ako

Ay, may pasok na pala ako.

Hindi naman sa hindi ko narealize na may pasok na ako. Parang wala kasing nagbago sa aking buhay miski na nagkaroon na ako ng pasok since Monday.

Medyo marami na ring nangyari ngayong week na ito. Nakita ko na lahat ng mga professor ko. HIndi ko alam. Medyo mixed ang feelings ko. Masaya ako na mababa ang random number ko kaya nakuha ko si Sir Rochester for Th131 na tungkol sa Marriage and Human Sexuality. Ayos siya, in my opinion, kasi ang light ng feel ng class niya. Parang walang pressure, hindi katulad nung kay Fr. Arcilla last sem. Dahil dun, masarap makinig sa class niya, bukod sa fact na medyo interested ako sa subject na yun. Medyo natatakot lang nga ako na baka masunog ako sa aking seat dahil sa tagal ko nang hindi nagsisimba. Actually, nahilo ako nung Monday sa class niya. Siguro dahil na rin isang taon na akong walang kahit na anong theology classes. Alam mo yung feeling na umiikot yung mundo mo miski naman alam mong nakaupo ka lang? Ganun yung feeling ko habang napapalibutan ako ng words coming straight from the Bible. Akala ko nga, kinukuha na ako ni Lord eh. Sobrang omaygad talaga.

Pero as usual, merong mga class na hindi maiwasang antukin. Most CS subjects are painfully designed that way. Puro kasi concepts, algorithms, or terms ang itinuturo. Wala ring application masyado. Well, wala akong magagawa kasi yan ang pinili kong course. Ayos lang naman, nakakantok lang talaga sina Doc Mana at Doc Vergara. Ang hihina ng boses nila kaya hindi ko talagang maiwasang maprolong ang pagkurap ng aking mga mata mula sa milliseconds to about two seconds each. Ayos lang naman, may CS179.15B naman ako eh. Bukod na si do-anything-you-want Sir Jal ang prof, bago pa ang terminals sa F204. Grabe. Nakakawindang sa bilis at ganda.

Wala akong magagawa sa Ph102 ko. Required kaming manatili sa piling ni Sir Mike. Maayos naman siyang magturo, yun nga lang, hindi siya mabait sa pagbigay ng grades. Siyempre hindi maaalis sa isang estudyante ang maging grade conscious to a certain extent, pero ako naman, kahit papaano, nabawas-bawasan ko na ang pagiging grade conscious. Kailangan rin naming magtrabaho at makasama ang mga tao sa laylayan ng ating lipunan. Required siya sa para sa formation program ng Ateneo. Medyo maswerte nga ako na sa Robinsons Supermarket Marikina ako magtatrabaho ng tatlong Sabado, pero gusto ko sanang maging basurero. Wala lang. Mukha kasing exciting mangolekta ng basura ng iba.

Kaya nung nakaraang linggo, lagi na lang akong pagod pag-uwi. Hindi na ako makapag-isip ng mabuti sa antok. Paglapat ng likod ko sa aking kama, wala pang isang minuto ay wala na akong malay.

Nakakapagod.

Pero mas napapagod na ako sa mga panandaliang pagtigil ng daloy ng oras tuwing ako'y napapatitig sa kawalan, at naiisip ang nakaraan.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Finally

Grabe. Sa wakas, sem break na ako. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit miski sem break na ako ngayon, hindi pa rin ako masaya. Dala siguro ito ng linggu-linggong pagpupuyat sa kakaaral para sa Ph101 Orals at kakagawa ng game script para sa game namin sa CS179.15A. Hindi rin masaya ma-pressure sa paggawa ng Final Systems Analysis and Design para sa aming information system project para sa CS123. Napaka-informative kasi ng specifications ni Ma'am Lovenia eh. Biruin mo, one or two liners lang yung instruction sa bawat part? I know, it's so ironic. Tinawag-tawag pa siyang specifications; siguro dahil magandang pakinggan. Well, lahat naman ata ng bagay sa mundo, ironic.

Mixed feelings ako ngayon. Natutuwa ako dahil wala nang pasok. Hindi ko na kailangan mag-struggle sa pakikinig kay Fr. Arcilla. Hindi ko na kailangan mag-aral for caches or for pipelined register paths para sa CS152 kasi baka may quiz next meeting. Wala na rin akong aalalahaning deliverable para sa CS123. Hindi ko na kailangang mag-alala na dapat maganda ang aming deliv dahil notorious si Ma'am Sandra for giving low grades. Pero, nalulungkot din ako kasi maaagnas na naman ako sa bahay sa loob ng isang buwan. Dahil wala na rin akong pasok, wala na akong baon. Matitigil na rin for the meantime ang aking pagpunta sa Timezone at pakikipagtsizmisan ko kay Ate Myles. Kung kailan naman nagkaroon ako ng interest sa paglalaro ng Tekken 6, saka naman mawawalan ako ng pera at hindi mapapadpad sa lugar na may Tekken 6.

Hindi rin kasi ako makapag-decide kung ano ba ang gagawin ko over the sembreak. Gusto kong mag-aral ng Flash Scripting and Animation. Gusto ko ring ipagpatuloy ang aking pagguhit dahil isang taon na yata noong ako'y huling humawak ng lapis at pambura at seryosong gumuhit, yung tipong pinagpuyatan at nilipasan ng gutom dahil hindi makuha ng tama ang itsura ng kamay. Pinag-iispan ko rin mag-apply sa mentorship program ng BlueBlade, dahil I feel worthless as a CS Major dahil kinakalawang na talaga ang aking programming skills. Gusto ko na ring matuto magmaneho past primera at magluto ng isang putahe maliban sa nilaga.
Ang dami kong gustong gawin, pero hindi ko alam kung ano ang uunahin ko. I might end up doing nothing at all again.

Ang hirap ng sem na lumipas. Nahirapan talaga ako dahil puro mahihirap ang napili kong mga prof. Wala rin kasi akong nagawa dahil ang taas ng random number ko last sem. Well, at least naman, this coming sem, 15 na ang aking random number.

Sana naman, wala na akong professor na katulad ni Fr. Arcilla na napaka-closed-minded. Kung hindi ka magaling manghula kung ano ang kanyang iniisip, mababa ang makukuha mong mga grado. Kung hindi mo maintindihan ang kanyang librong puno ng sentences half a page long, magdurusa ka talaga. Wala naman na siguro akong prof na aalis papuntang Mexico ngayong dalawang linggo na lang, finals na. Ikukuwento ko lang na maraming naging athiest dahil hindi sinagot ng Diyos ang mga panalangin nilang "God, huwag na po siya sanang bumalik."

Si Sir Mariano naman kasi, siya pa rin ang aking prof para sa Ph102. Medyo mababa magbigay ng grado, pero maayos naman siyang magturo. At magiging prof ko pa rin naman ata si Sir Diy next sem. Well, sa tingin ko naman, prof ko ulit si Sir Jal next sem kasi CS179.15B na eh.

No comment na lang ako sa ibang professor na kailangan mag-ahit. Baka kailangan nila ng user manual sa kung papaano gumamit ng Gilette, o 'di naman kaya'y Shick?

Hay, pasensya ka na blog. Hindi kita nabigyan ng kaukulang atensyon sa nakalipas na Setyembre. 'Di bale, sisimulan ko na ulit magsulat sa iyo regularly.

Pero ngayon, magbabasa muna ako ng FAQ tungkol sa Civilization IV.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Being Human: Choice

Humans are humans because of their intrinsic capability to form history. Historicity, as defined by philosophy, is man's capability to make history because of his and her capacity to choose freely. Because of historicity, man is able to create a world fitting for man, and the very world they create makes them man; separate from world of basic biological existence. Civilization envelops man in a reality of culture, improvement, and most of all, meanings.

Man is different from any other living organism that exists in the world because only he and only her has the opportunity to face crossroads. They are always placed in a position where they need to make a humble or mighty decision. Because of this, man is able to quietly arrange his new future in his bidding, intentional or not. Man lives in time; man lives in the present as the result of the interwoven events of the past and the future. Ironically, man is the result of the crosspoint of two non-existent objects: the nothingness of the expired past, and the nothingness of the still immaterial future. Man resides in a tiny fraction of a second, struggling to stay in the present and not trip down and get swallowed by the past; and pacing himself according to the wills of time, not running ahead of what is supposed to be happening. Man lives now, and in this now, man chooses his path. The past cannot be touched, but this doesn't mean that the present is untouchable as well -- a result of a predetermined path even before he is born. Man is greatly limited in his temporailty, but in his limitations, he sees his true potential, and develops it, making man more man and man live in a more meaningful environment.

It is never true that man is powerless to change his course in destiny. In man's simple actions, such as smiling to a friend, looking at a stranger, or helping an elderly cross the street, he may be writing a future of a parter in life, a newfound friend, and even maybe a simple, sincere, and warm expression of gratitude. Man can change everything if he desires to, and because of historicity, man is always aware of his limitations and his possibilities.




We never have time for anything. We make time for everything.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Pressure ~ Feelings

It is one of those blog posts wherein I feel pressured to write something because I feel that I am starting to neglect my blog again. It's not that. I've been really busy during the past few days. Rage almost consumed me when Fr. Arcilla moved our long test from the following week to the following Thursday. My plans for the week was instantly destroyed as I silently sat on my armchair, restraining my fury and nursing my malevolent intentions. My plan was to study during the weekend and take a little time off during the rest of the days. But, Fr. Arcilla's "unplanned" trip to Mexico made me push my mind and body to its extreme limits. I felt I was at the verge of a mental implosion coupled with an instantaneous shutdown of my bodily functions. For two or three nights in a row, I found myself sleeping even past the witching hours. I woke up to cloudy mornings with an unfamiliar emptiness and lightness in my head.

Oh well. I can say bye-bye to that long test. Apparently, I was so worked up that I messed up the facts that were essential in answering the question. I coined the ship "Bertha" as "Brusa", and I may bewilder historians as I said that there was an embassy in New York during the times of the La Gloriosa and the Cavite Mutiny.

Anyway, I was appointed as the project head of GA3 this year. I'm a little worried that I can't do it, but I'm also excited about it even right now. I also joined a committee on Loopback, an event with the alumni of CompSAt.

Some things are just happening, and I cannot do anything about it. Happy things are happening, but I cannot fully embrace its warm feeling since I am in the midst of the embrace of sadness. Two of my greatest blockmates will be leaving for France in three days. I don't know how my best friend feels about what he's going through, but that's okay I guess. We made an agreement that we won't pressure each other to tell about our own problems. The feelings I have for a friend of mine are still inside my heart, although these feelings aren't as painful as before.

Life.

The ACET will be held next Saturday and Sunday. I'm looking forward to it since I will be proctoring for the two whole days of it, and I will be earning my very first salary. Somehow and in some way, all these responsibilities that I have taken up or have been imposed on me makes me feel all grown-up. Well, I'm already 20, but I still find myself
isip-bata.

---

I'll miss you two.
Don't stay sad too long.
Thanks for recognizing me when I passed by. You made my day.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Twenty Pesos

Holdup victim fighting for life
SOPHIA DEDACE, GMANews.TV
08/14/2008 | 11:47 AM

MANILA, Philippines - Antonia Marina "Tara" Santelices was described as an active and well-rounded person with a heart for the environment and an artistic flair. Many believed she has a promising future ahead of her.

But now, Tara - dressed in a hospital gown and wearing a thick bandage around her head - is fighting for her life on a hospital bed where she remains in a comatose for the eighth day since she was shot in the head during a hold-up incident in Cainta, Rizal last week.

"She's a very well-rounded person who is active in a lot of involvements," Tara's mother said.

“She's very artistic person. She is fond of reading books, she designs clothes and she performs with a band. At the same time, she is also an environmentalist," her friends added.

A Political Science graduate of the Ateneo de Manila University, Santelices is an independent film director and a guitarist of music bands Saffron Speedway and Scarlet Tears - passions that she juggles with her work as a research head of a non-government organization.

A robbery incident

But Tara's future was instantly changed by a single violent incident last August 6.

Santelices' friend - who requested anonymity for security reasons - said Tara and her best friend Joyce "Joee" Mejias were on a jeepney and on the way home shortly past Tuesday midnight when they fell victim to a group of holduppers in Cainta, Rizal.

Tara and her friend met at the Burger King branch along Marcos highway. From there, the two were supposed to move to another restaurant where they would celebrate Tara's birthday. Tara just turned 23.

"Tara and Joee met at a fast food chain along Marcos Highway and from there they decided to eat somewhere since it was Tara's birthday," the friend said.

"They rode an empty Ortigas Extension-bound jeep along Imelda Ave. and going there, dun na sumakay yung mga tao," she said.

But Tara and Joee never got to where they were supposed to go. And there were not going to be any celebrations, either.

Within minutes into the jeepney ride, a man - who sat beside Joee - took out a gun, declared a holdup, and pointed the gun to Tara.

"Yung struggle lang was with their bags, pero hindi naman sobrang hilahan yung nangyari," Tara's friend recalled Joee as recalling what happened.

After getting the passengers' bags, the holdupper got off the jeepney. But while he was getting off, he kept the gun trained at Tara. Unexpectedly, the gun went off as the suspect fled the scene.

Tara was hit.

"Joee was focusing on the gun when the man was getting off the jeepney. When the gun went off, she didn't see who was hit. When she looked at Tara, siya na nga yung natamaan," she said.

"High-risk"

According to the friend, Mejias asked the jeepney driver to rush them to the nearest hospital. However, passengers were still getting on and off the jeepney on the way to the Arnaiz Clinic along Imelda Avenue.

The clinic, however, didn't have the facilities to aid Santelices so she was taken to Amang Rodriguez Hospital, where her parents and Mejias’ parents followed.

At around 8 am, Santelices was again transferred to Medical City in Ortigas.

After some examinations at the Medical City, doctors found shrapnels in Tara's brain, which doctors said would require a delicate surgery to remove. Doctors described the operation as "high-risk" saying it can even further endanger Tara's life.

Not willing to take on that risk, Tara's parents decided not to go through with the surgery.

"There are still shrapnels inside Tara's head. And may hernia na. It's really a high-risk operation that might endanger Tara's life more," the friend said.

While police have released an artist sketch of the assailant, no arrests have been made.

Sympathies and support


To help raise funds for Tara's medical bills, her friends and former schoolmates have started a series of benefit gigs which will be running for the next two months.

"Tara is a member of two bands, that's why she knows people from the music scene," Santelices' friend said.

A bank account - under Anne Marie F. Santelices, Banco de Oro (savings account number 2140-062201) - was also set up to accommodate donations and other financial support for Tara.

Tara's mother said that their family did not expect the massive support from Tara's friends. "Our family is overwhelmed with the support of Tara's friends," Tara's mother said.

But more importantly, activities aimed at helping Tara also serve to educate the public that such violent incidents continue to happen.

"We want young people to be aware that these things happen. We want to prevent this from happening again," Tara's mother said. - GMANews.TV

---

This news came to my awareness as rumors at first. My classmates in Ph101 talked about an Atenean who was shot in the head when she refused to give her laptop. Yestserday, Sir Mariano told us about Tara's condition. He told us how difficult her condition was, and her friends and family were asking for any kind of support for their friend and family. Sir announced the gigs for Tara's cause, and he passed a short brown envelope with a label reading "4 TARA". As the envelop drew closer to my seat, I searched for my coin purse deep within my bag and got a twenty-peso bill out of it. I hid in from everyone's view and silently placed it inside the envelope, which I felt was filled with cash donations for Tara.

I passed the envelope to my right and listened to Sir Mariano's explanation of Calasanz' Ang Aking Katawan. My midterm oral exam is already next week, so I had to listen.

After class, he thanked the people who donated something for Tara. He was somewhat happy that we were ready to help even a person we do not know.

At para naman dun sa mga walang naibigay, ayos lang din naman iyon. Sana man lang kahit isang panalangin ay masabi ninyo para kay Tara.

I felt my heart slow down. My eyes darkened for an instant, and the air felt difficult if not impossible to breathe.

Am I too distant to even believe in prayer?



Tara, I hope you get well soon.



Is this what justice is to you?