Yes, I woke up with a very different notion of "today" and "tomorrow" yesterday morning.
I do not exactly remember me thinking about monotonously depressing things that have happened in the past. I remember thinking about vector scaling as I closed my eyes and entered sleep. I don't know why I woke up yesterday morning with a familiar, depressing feeling of a burdened chest and a mind riddled with questions best left unanswered. I opened my eyes to one of those days that seemed the last. Putrid air reeking with a bleak tomorrow once again filled my helpless lungs, but there was nothing I could do but inhale the venom that poisoned me before. Gravity slowly won against my futile attempts to straighten up. My vision was blurred once more, as I did not recognize the unhappy face that stared back to me as I stood without confidence in front of the mirror.
I recognize this feeling.
I thought it was over. I knew it was over.
I don't want to be friends with them anymore. Maybe the pain I felt killed every single happy memory inside of me, and turned them into depressing shards of my life that ironically made me overcome sadness and deep despair. But the thing is, I cannot seem to let go of all the moments that we were together, happy and content with the company of each other. I cannot seem to let go of even a single one. Even if I try and try not to, those memories keep visiting my tired imagination over and over. My existence phases in and out of depressed conscious thought and oblivious tranced unconsciousness once again. My tears well up again since now, I struggle with myself not to feel any hatred since I was the one who committed the mistake that toppled everything.
Maybe I still want to become their friend. But maybe I hate them since they made me hate myself. I don't know.
I DON"T KNOW!
I am trapped within a new stasis of consequence. I did not choose to fall into another gorge of sorrow.
Why?
I do not exactly remember me thinking about monotonously depressing things that have happened in the past. I remember thinking about vector scaling as I closed my eyes and entered sleep. I don't know why I woke up yesterday morning with a familiar, depressing feeling of a burdened chest and a mind riddled with questions best left unanswered. I opened my eyes to one of those days that seemed the last. Putrid air reeking with a bleak tomorrow once again filled my helpless lungs, but there was nothing I could do but inhale the venom that poisoned me before. Gravity slowly won against my futile attempts to straighten up. My vision was blurred once more, as I did not recognize the unhappy face that stared back to me as I stood without confidence in front of the mirror.
I recognize this feeling.
I thought it was over. I knew it was over.
I don't want to be friends with them anymore. Maybe the pain I felt killed every single happy memory inside of me, and turned them into depressing shards of my life that ironically made me overcome sadness and deep despair. But the thing is, I cannot seem to let go of all the moments that we were together, happy and content with the company of each other. I cannot seem to let go of even a single one. Even if I try and try not to, those memories keep visiting my tired imagination over and over. My existence phases in and out of depressed conscious thought and oblivious tranced unconsciousness once again. My tears well up again since now, I struggle with myself not to feel any hatred since I was the one who committed the mistake that toppled everything.
Maybe I still want to become their friend. But maybe I hate them since they made me hate myself. I don't know.
I DON"T KNOW!
I am trapped within a new stasis of consequence. I did not choose to fall into another gorge of sorrow.
Why?
2 comments:
Kaya mo yan. >:D< makakatayo ka rin ng tuwid. Baka kasi hindi mo pa talagang nalilimutan at niloloko mo lang sarili mo. OwO OwO errrr... OwO samahan ka na lang daw ni wormy (,(,(,(,(,( ^u^ )
new stasis of consequence??? hmnnn...
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