Surrogate Security

With his feelings an utter mess and his thoughts in disarray, he felt more vulnerable than ever. He continued to stare straight at the low ceiling of his room as the bitter cold slowly ate the warmth of his feet and his eyes dried up in the absence of the tears that one flowed down his bony cheeks. Consciously and unconsciously, he was tossing in his bed from side to side every minute or so, like prey writhing to escape with dear life as the fangs of the hunters clamped down its bare neck. Something was stuck in the deepest parts of his being, something that was not there before. It clogged his desire for happiness and warmth. For some reason or another, he just wanted to close his eyes, and enter the world of his dreams. He hoped never to wake up again in the cold and piercing embrace of the nightmares of his confused heart.

But the cold was too painful to bear. The abnormal weather made his self-inflicted wounds throb with an increasing wave of pain that emanated across his entirety. He wished to weep, but his tears were in mourning. His tears were grieving the loss of his precious skies full of aspirations as it broke into the shale storms that were saturated with uncertainty and broken promises. His blanket never seemed to protect him from the cold that was slowly taking his sanity. He kept kicking and shuffling, but his efforts were all for nothing. In a last, desperate attempt to kindle a small flame of hope to provide him the warmth and the light he needed, he reached for his long legs and tucked them close to his body. He yearned for the security of his mother's womb, the kind of devotion where one would protect the other with everything they have.

His sight was slowly growing dark despite the small night light turned on. He thought he was finally falling asleep. But a sharp, invisible pain inside him jolted him into the reality that he was falling into yet another dangerous pit of his emotions. It was one of those instances where he felt the chilling embrace of the most unending darkness one could face.

With the last remaining ounce of his strength, he reached out his hand to hold onto something. He reached out his hand to save himself from another ironically agonizing fall into the world he is so accustomed to. He reached something warm, soft, and pleasant to the touch. As he grabbed the object which seemed to be brimming with affection, he placed his head on it. A subtle warmth calmed his body down, and after a few moments, he regained the sanity which was sapped by the unknown hunters of his night. He felt alive once again.

He realized that all was but a dream forcefully transgressing his sleep.




In his dreams, the pillow was his source of warmth, life, and happiness. It was everything, and it meant everything to him.

But in his waking consciousness, the reality remains that the pillow is nothing more than just a pillow, something that will never return all his yearnings for security. The reality remains that he still stands under the starless sky that he has wrongly wished for himself.


---


ay rai
pede ba kita maging surrogate sister?

meaning?

uh
like
family outside my home
kasi na dedepress na ako sa sarili ko dahil I find my family disfunctional when I know it isn't
ang shits kasi ng mga drama sapaks ko sometimes

you don't find me dysfunctional?

para sa akin hindi

hahaha
ok
i'm just here

sometimes i wonder
am i like selfish or something?
kasi all i ever do is run to you guys kapag namomroblema ako or something

no you're just in need of love and affection
we all do
that's what friends are for

thanks rai>:D<

>:D<