I've been worried that I have lost my discipline in terms of academics. For almost two and a half years now, I have always wondered what had happened to me as I entered college. I always questioned myself where all my studiousness in high school went as I took my first semester in the Loyola Schools, and up until now, I still do from time to time.
Before, I valued hard work and perseverance rather than academic excellence. During my high school days, I remember myself studying right away as soon as I got home. I remember how focused I was when I studied for a Trigonometry long test and me always getting scores not lower than 85. During those times, physics was very easy for me, and my classmates always approached me if they did not understand the lesson. I remember the times when I would patiently read a hundred pages worth of readings from Noli me Tangere and El Filibusterismo. I know I worked hard and made it a point to always do my best. I graduated with second honors in high school, the highest in my class of F2006.
But things changed during college. I started to fail subjects. I started to give up easily. I started to curse my weakness.
My world was rattled. I was struggling in numerous subjects, but my classmates weren't. They were getting A's or B's in math, while the highest I ever got was a C+. They easily understood the fundamental concepts in physics, while I was having a hard time retaining them in my head. Everyone was coming up with spectacular and efficient codes and programs, while I coded mine with brute force. It seemed that straining and pushing myself to do my best was not enough. Effort did not compare to achievements.
No.
Effort seemed incomparable to achievements.
I never really tried to determine the cause of my sudden plunge to failure. I guess college is just plain tougher than high school. Or maybe I lost my self-esteem on numerous failures that I faced, and it was my great mistake that I did not use these mistakes as stepping stones to see what was going on. Those failures ruined me bit by bit until it has totally eroded my confidence and belief in myself.
But there are these few times that a little voice echoes within my mind telling me to go home since I have to study a lesson. Maybe the diligence people say I have is still somewhere inside me, and all I need to do is to believe in myself again. Maybe I really did not lose the discipline that I know I have.
And maybe this is the reason why I am still in the Loyola Schools, still putting all my efforts to do my best.
There we go.
But first, please let me wallow in this partial freedom I am enjoying now. Four days worth of major requirements is not easy.
Before, I valued hard work and perseverance rather than academic excellence. During my high school days, I remember myself studying right away as soon as I got home. I remember how focused I was when I studied for a Trigonometry long test and me always getting scores not lower than 85. During those times, physics was very easy for me, and my classmates always approached me if they did not understand the lesson. I remember the times when I would patiently read a hundred pages worth of readings from Noli me Tangere and El Filibusterismo. I know I worked hard and made it a point to always do my best. I graduated with second honors in high school, the highest in my class of F2006.
But things changed during college. I started to fail subjects. I started to give up easily. I started to curse my weakness.
My world was rattled. I was struggling in numerous subjects, but my classmates weren't. They were getting A's or B's in math, while the highest I ever got was a C+. They easily understood the fundamental concepts in physics, while I was having a hard time retaining them in my head. Everyone was coming up with spectacular and efficient codes and programs, while I coded mine with brute force. It seemed that straining and pushing myself to do my best was not enough. Effort did not compare to achievements.
No.
Effort seemed incomparable to achievements.
I never really tried to determine the cause of my sudden plunge to failure. I guess college is just plain tougher than high school. Or maybe I lost my self-esteem on numerous failures that I faced, and it was my great mistake that I did not use these mistakes as stepping stones to see what was going on. Those failures ruined me bit by bit until it has totally eroded my confidence and belief in myself.
But there are these few times that a little voice echoes within my mind telling me to go home since I have to study a lesson. Maybe the diligence people say I have is still somewhere inside me, and all I need to do is to believe in myself again. Maybe I really did not lose the discipline that I know I have.
And maybe this is the reason why I am still in the Loyola Schools, still putting all my efforts to do my best.
There we go.
But first, please let me wallow in this partial freedom I am enjoying now. Four days worth of major requirements is not easy.
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