I just can't comprehend my own self sometimes. No. I can't understand myself most of the time. The year will come to a close in less than two weeks, and I'm stuck here in yet another self-made void filled with nothing but shit. I don't know why this always happens when I find myself happy with the current state of things in my life. Maybe it's one of these sadistic mechanisms that live in my system that prepares me for something dark which is about to happen in the near future. Maybe I enter a state of emotional seesaws and unbalance to pad my fall into a disgusting brown splat rather than the loud cracking thuds I usually endure. I can blissfully tell myself that I am very much content with what is happening and with what I have now, but a rather malevolent part of my being constantly jets shit out of thin air to rot the precious happiness I am currently enjoying. It seems as if I myself is the one destroying my own happiness. Maybe being sad is really better than being happy since when one is sad, there is no other way but to be happy. When one is happy, there is no other way but to be sad. Isn't it more relieving to know that some day in the future, one will be happy, rather than one worrying about the future because of the anxiety of falling into depression eating up everything?
I just don't know.
I just feel shitty today. I feel possessed by something very, very violent. I want to fuck the world and everything free in it. I want to free all the oppressed farts inside the very reluctant rectums of stupid people who take pride in the size of their ego in contrast to that of their penis.
I just want to feel a secure sense of happiness.
Dream on, shitty ass. Dream on, sonuvabitch. That's what you always say, so that's the only thing you'll never, ever get.
I just finished a whole bowl of that shitty instant Chinese noodles worth P53.00 in 7-Eleven. It came with a century egg which tasted like a hundred-year-old rotten sock. I wanted to eat something warm because the air is so cold, so saturated with the nostalgic feeling of presents, and there is no one beside me to throw warm shit all over my entire being.
Shit this shitty feeling. I hate it. I hate it all.
I just don't know.
I just feel shitty today. I feel possessed by something very, very violent. I want to fuck the world and everything free in it. I want to free all the oppressed farts inside the very reluctant rectums of stupid people who take pride in the size of their ego in contrast to that of their penis.
I just want to feel a secure sense of happiness.
Dream on, shitty ass. Dream on, sonuvabitch. That's what you always say, so that's the only thing you'll never, ever get.
I just finished a whole bowl of that shitty instant Chinese noodles worth P53.00 in 7-Eleven. It came with a century egg which tasted like a hundred-year-old rotten sock. I wanted to eat something warm because the air is so cold, so saturated with the nostalgic feeling of presents, and there is no one beside me to throw warm shit all over my entire being.
Shit this shitty feeling. I hate it. I hate it all.
3 comments:
kaw kasi eh baka mataas ang standard mo kaya wala ka pang syota ngayon. (nagsalita ang hindi) hehe. ei marry xmas po!
Sira. Hindi ako naghahanap ng syota no. Hahaha. Ayaw ko ng syota, masyadong mataas ang upkeep. LOLS.
lolz. kaw talaga. ewan ko. basta. mahirap magsalita nang tapos kasi.
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