Regret

I didn't want to say this again, but I think I'm in a new state of sadness due to a strong feeling of regret. I'm happy in some particular level, but again, things do happen making me feel unneeded and eventually disliked. I hate how sensitive I have become.

For the past few days, I have been fighting this new enemy named regret. I know I have nothing to regret about, but here I am, tears welling in sadness, missing the people I was with in the past, the past which seems very, very different from today.

I just don't know. Maybe I'll be better tomorrow. Maybe I'll be better later. Maybe I won't get better anytime soon.

And just to tell you, I lost 8 hard-earned pounds because I was sick for a full 5 days. I have cough which isn't getting any better, and just recently, I am feeling some chest and back pains, not to mention the headaches that crack my head from time to time.

Am I just a selfish person who wants to be happy again? Or am I someone who just never gets things right? Maybe both.

As a friend, I just want to be with someone again. I feel trapped.

It is difficult to be happy when deep inside, you know you aren't. It is not an easy task to stay strong when your source of strength has ran away from you. It is tiring to stay happy when regret fills your beaten emotions.

But I'll wait. I was given a chance to start over. I'll wait, no matter how hard things could possibly get.

I'll wait. But I guess I'm not strong enough to stay happy. I'm not strong enough to hide and carry the burden of what I said.

But I'll wait and continue fighting. I just really want to be happy or at least content again.