Mirrors

I've been noticing that I am slowly losing interest in the things that I loved doing for the past few weeks. My interest has waned down in the things that I thought I will not be able to live without. I have felt this feeling before, and my experience tells me that after I have completely stopped something I was dying to do before, I would be dying to do it again in the future. Even so, I am sad at the same time worried on why this keeps on happening.

Maybe the shirt I bought for myself is true. "I never finish anyth".

Or maybe it's just because I have seen the monotony of my life and is just looking for something to break that?

This is the sad part of it. You thought you have found the thing that would break your single-toned life, your daily routine that deep inside you are already sick of, but after the joy has been extinguished, you get bored again. Or maybe you just expect too much from something. I guess that's it. You expect and rely heavily on something because you want to run away and feel the happiness that you know you deserve. You happily anticipate the emancipation you will feel, but you never get to truly and fully embrace that freedom you have longed and yearned for. What you see instead is the happiness of people who have dreamed humbly. You tell yourself, "aren't my dreams as humble as theirs?" You start to question the algorithm that encompasses your everyday life. You start to think whether your destiny has been written long before your soul started to regain its new consciousness. You start to look where the damage has been dealt. You soon realize that you cannot answer your own questions and decide to seek for some light within other people. For the few letters that compose the word "rare," you open your heart to other people and start to create new memories with these people.

They were happy people. Their auras emanated with the sincerity and compassion your hungry, desperate self was looking for. Their feelings overflowed into your dried up life, quenching everything that was inadequate. You soon realize that everything would be alright with them. At last, the monotony is finally broken. Your soul started to regain the vitality it has lost over time. You started to feel alive again. The flow of time has released you from its bondage of seemingly eternal stagnation.

But...

You start to be dependent once more. You start to be reliant again.

You never learn, do you?

I opened my eyes and saw myself standing between two unending mirrors. As I look into my reflection, I saw a person with a very hollow heart. It was then I realized that his heart was empty because he was looking at me. The one who was looking at him also had a hollow heart. I got bothered. Every time a thought enters my deeply troubled and confused mind, it dispersed and shattered into fragments. Those fragments materialized, and shattered the mirrors that confined me. I embraced myself and protected the memories I thought were precious from the never ending hail of razor-sharp glass shards. As I looked up, each tiny fragment revealed the truth: everybody had an empty heart patiently waiting to be filled and accepted by someone.

Your high hopes filled with optimism and strength slowly erodes until it withers to an unbearable state of deep depression. But it is funny that you feel content.

Sad, but content.