Friday, January 11, 2008

Please Carry my Dreams Towards the Sky

I honestly do not know how should I describe what I am feeling right this very moment as I press the keys of the keyboard and as the letters of the words I am typing are appearing from a white background.

I am probably confused, or confused, probably.

I am yearning for some people who I miss so much. I was unable to cry and tell how torn I am to Nanay, Tatay, and Tita Nene because there was construction going on nearby.

I am awkwardly ecstatic for our trip to the bowling lanes tomorrow after I meet my NSTP kids who thought that they will never see me again. I can remember MC running by our jeepney as she held my hand, bade farewell with the other, and shouted "Bye bye Kuya Rudolf! Bye bye!"

I am looking forward to buying the P150.00 Acrylic paint set that I found in National earlier. I am also looking forward to styling my plain, white, canvas shoes with the concepts of water for the left, and fire on the right. I just hope I do it well.

I feel heavy. No. My chest feels heavy, that's why I feel heavy as well.

I am losing an ongoing battle inside of me. I thought I turned the tide of the siege when I decided to return to open my heart once more, but I was thoroughly deceived. I got ambushed right after I declared my strengthening morale and resolve. The sword I forged as an enduring blacksmith struck me a mortal wound as soon as the finishing strike of the hammer to the anvil was heard echoing in the hollowness.

In my eyes, tears welled up. I summoned a bolster of courage I am ignorant of origin to stop those tears from falling. As I sat on the grass, staring on the weak flame of the candle silently persevering against the chilly, empty breeze, rain started to pour down from the cloudy sky.

Were they crying for me?

I found a separate peace in that garden. A peace that made my mind serene for a moment before chaos explodes and disrupts my dream of emancipation once more.

I need to leave. I had to leave. But I had to know the name of the place first.

My memory did not fail me this time. It was the Garden of Salvation.

As I left, I remembered the kite I bought with someone who made a promise to me that we would fly it together. That colorful kite carrying all my humble wishes and simple hopes still remains thirsty to soar across the endless sky to this day.

Please carry my dreams towards the sky.

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